Gripping the Dashboard

Unacceptably long time not posting

2010-11-12T11:18:00.003-05:00

It's been an unacceptably long time since my last post. So much has been going in my life... I've been busy almost every single weekend since the last time I updated.

More to come later, but here's a little snapshot of what I've been up to:

If it ain't bokeh, don't fix it

2010-06-10T10:41:00.002-04:00

Stumbled across this website of bokeh photography this morning, and thought it was so beautiful I just had to share. I had no idea what "bokeh" even meant... basically, it refers to blurry but aesthetically pleasing photographs that often include points of light as part of the landscape.

Check out the site and let me know what you think!

Something I've been thinking about

2010-05-27T11:50:00.002-04:00

I have a real problem with the fact that Ben Roethlisberger wasn’t charged with sexual assault in the case a college-aged woman in Georgia brought against the football superstar.

The attorneys for the woman said the intense media spotlight aimed at her during a high-profile criminal trial “would be a very intrusive experience” for her. It’s likely she’s right.

It’s an unfortunate situation, but not all that uncommon. It’s estimated that 60 percent of sexual crimes go unreported every year. SIXTY PERCENT.

Why?

Rape and sexual assault are intensely personal, private crimes. They are embarrassing. They are shameful. Throw in a little celebrity and a pack of rabid fans, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I'm just sickened and saddened by the whole thing.

Baggage

2010-05-18T09:55:00.003-04:00

Baggage. We all have it. Some just have more of it than others…

Since college, nearly every serious boyfriend I’ve had has come with a cargo carrier of luggage, which ultimately has affected our relationship:

A: Crack head absentee father, serial-bride mother, anger management issues;
S: Abandonment issues, sexual abuse, multiple cheating ex-girlfriends, gnarly family tree;

And those are just the guys I’ve actually been in relationships with!

I thought my pattern of dating unavailable men was turning around when I started dating Ex-Boyfriend. Sure, he was resistant to change and unable to communicate. He'd previously been in a really toxic relationship, which I always felt kind of hardened him and made it hard for him to open up. But all in all, he was fairly normal.

On the outside, so it the guy I just met. We've only been on one date, but the connection is amazing... not unlike what I experienced with S at the beginning of our relationship.

He’s sweet. He’s funny. He’s smart. He's romantic. He's expressive. He’s a complete dork, trapped in a hunk’s body. We have amazing intellectual, emotional and physical chemistry.

So what's the baggage? He has a son with one woman, and a pending divorce with another.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never given a lot of thought to dating someone who already has children. I truly believe that your child is your child, regardless of whether s/he is genetically related to you. While the idea of dating a single parent is a little nerve-wracking, it’s not a barrier to a future relationship.

A wife is, though.

This new guy is separated from his wife, who is bi-polar. Her illness weighed heavily on their relationship, caused a lot of stress and a lot of anguish. They've only been separated for eight months, so it's not even final, yet, though he assured me that it’s over for him and the process is down to just technicalities. Never having been divorced myself, I am not sure how long the process takes... I think in Ohio, you have to be separated for a year before you can officially divorce.

He was honest enough to tell me this on our first date, giving me plenty of time to back up and run for the hills. He offered not to call me again until his divorce is final. I admire that he was so forthright; it speaks volumes of his character.

But it still freaks me the fuck out.

Just having that connection with someone so immediately is discombobulating enough –- I'm notoriously self-destructive when a relationship is "good" -- but throw in the rest and, well, you can see why I have such serious reservations. I’m left with more questions than answers. Do I just go with the flow and pursue things now? Wait until the ink has dried on the divorce decree before progressing with the relationship? Or is this just too much baggage to sign up for?

The advice of friends has trended in one direction, but I'm interested in hearing what you have to say? What do you think?

Try this on for size!

2010-04-02T00:06:00.000-04:00

Instead of sending me a text message, pick up the phone and give me a call. Instead of suggesting we "hang out," take me on a date. And instead of ignoring me for two weeks because you're freaked out about intimacy and the idea that we might one day be in a relationship, get over yourself and man up.

That is all.

(Cross posted at Cingle in the City)

Brief update

2010-02-23T22:45:00.003-05:00

Here's a little update about what I've been up to in the last few months:

July 2009 - Broke up with Boyfriend

August 2009 - Nothing of note

September 2009 - Got a promotion that has caused considerable joy but considerable stress

October 2009 - Realized I was moving on from the break up and had a complete freak out because letting go scared me. Drunk dialed Ex-Boyfriend and cried foolishly. (All of that is another story for another time...)

November 2009 - Kissed another boy

December 2009 - Realized I was no longer in love; subsequently kissed multiple other boys

January 2009 - Started dating again

February 2009 - Started blogging again

I think it's wise to post in more detail at another time, because I'm exhausted from the crazy pace I've been keeping the last few months. I have a bit of a new lease on life, and a new energy in my personal life that is exciting and fun.

I'm going to start checking in on all of you more regularly, so consider yourselves warned!

Blogging, schmogging

2010-02-01T13:51:00.001-05:00

So obviously I haven't been keeping up with blogging since... well... since Ex-Boyfriend and I broke up. Even though I've healed from the break up, I haven't really found the motivation to blog about anything. However, I'm going to try to get back into it, as soon as I feel like I have something worthwhile to share/say.

And probably, no one is even out there reading me anymore! :)

The more things change

2009-07-06T19:46:00.002-04:00

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I went back and read my last post, in which I waxed poetic about my relationship and expressed hope that things were finally turning around after a six-week separation. By that post, it seemed like everything was going great.

But things have turned south lately. We're not communicating with one another well. We're not talking as much. He had a party for the Fourth of July and didn't invite me.

Yeah, kind of a dick move if you ask me.

His general thoughtlessness and selfishness started to creep through. There were more mood swings. Fewer thoughtful gestures. Less sex. (Truly a measure of the health of a relationship, wouldn't you say?)

The more I started to see these things, the more denial I felt. I held on harder, tighter and tried to keep things from falling apart around me.

But the fact of the matter is, we're wrong for each other. My heart just needed time to catch up to that fact, a fact that I recognized a long time ago and rarely voiced aloud.

Today marked the end of the relationship. We were together a year. We did a good job. We had some laughs, some good times. But the relationship ran its course, and we both acknowledged that today. He isn't capable of giving me what I need, and even if he were, he wouldn't want to. That's not fair to me, so it was time for us to go our separate ways. If we're not moving forward, what are we doing?

I feel relieved.

It still hurts, of course. I'm sad, as I suppose I'll be for a long time. But this was good, it was right. I will be better and stronger for the relationship. I have learned a lot about who I am and the kind of man I want to be with.

It will take time to heal my broken heart, for as Pablo Neruda said, "Loving is so short, forgetting is so long." But in the end, I will be healed. I'll be revived. And I'll be ready for someone better.

It wasn't perfect, but...

2009-05-26T17:03:00.004-04:00

When Boyfriend came over to my house about a month ago, I figured we'd have dinner, talk for a little bit about the status of our relationship, and then break up. Even though it wasn't what I wanted, I figured that's what he would want to do. After all, we had been on a break for nearly 6 weeks at that point, and even though I knew he cared about me, I wasn't sure if it was enough.

The night went pretty much as I had expected. I had steeled myself for the worst, and it pretty much happened. I was proud of myself for not crying or making a scene, for stoically holding it all together until I locked the door behind him. (At which point, I broke into tears like you would not BELIEVE.)

And then, a funny thing happened. He called.

The gist of it went something like, "I don't want to do this. You're all I've been able to think about since I left. I want to try, I want things to work. I'm committed to this decision, but I want you to sleep on it and decide if it is really what you want. If you're committed to this too, then I'll be really thrilled, but if not, then I'll understand."

WHAT?!

So for the past month, we've been trying to mend our relationship. We've gone out to dinner. We went to a party. We spent an entire afternoon at the bar, watching a Reds game. We've talked about family, values, faith and politics. In other words, we've been trying to remember why we were together in the first place, while also determining if we want to be together in the future.

Oh yeah, and when we talked about the future, he said that I had so many of the qualities he'd always looked for that he's thought about making me his wife.

Yes, seriously.

I think much of this new lease on our relationship comes from the fact that he is working again. (He'd been laid off since October, until two weeks ago.) Going back to work has boosted his outlook on life, and even if he's not doing what he ultimately wants to do, life doesn't feel as tragic as it did when he wasn't working at all. He feels like he's contributing. He isn't as stressed about money, bills, the future or the mid-life crisis that was looming large on the horizon a few weeks ago. He can breathe again, and it has loosened him up a little bit.

He's also starting to open up a little more, which has helped me understand him tremendously. He's talked more about his feelings, thoughts and past in the last month than he has the majority of our relationship. It's comforting, endearing, reassuring and most of all, an amazing gift.

I'm taking it day by day, moment by moment, because anything can change at a moment's notice. But the photos of him have started to emerge from their hiding places, and his name is starting to pop up in stories, and the gorgeous necklace he gave me for Valentine's Day is accessorizing my outfits again.

He's a part of my life in all possible ways, and I feel like it is just the tip of the iceberg. Plus, I'm more in love than ever.

OMG! OMG!

2009-04-28T14:35:00.002-04:00

Pseudo-Boyfriend just called me at work. He saw my Facebook status ("Which is the bigger travesty: Falling down a flight of my apt stairs, getting my heel caught in a grate, or leaving my cell phone at home?") and wanted to know if I was okay. Now, he knew I'd left my cell phone at home. He could have called and left a voicemail. Or emailed me. Or left a message through Facebook. But he didn't -- he CALLED ME AT WORK!!! He also said that he'd had a dream about me last night, and between that and my fall, he thought he would "take this opportunity to call and check in." Score one for Lauren!

I had actually planned to call him today. I wanted to see if he had plans for the weekend, and whether he'd want to hang out on Friday. (To talk about our relationship and make the decision whether to break up, or whether to try to work things out.... though certainly that's not how I planned to get him to agree to hang out!!)

Anyway, since I had him on the phone, I asked him about whether he'd like to get together. He said that would probably work. Score two for Lauren!

Here's the thing: I have been preparing myself in my head and in my heart for him to say that he doesn't want to get back together. So even though he was obviously concerned for me today(Especially since the first words out of his mouth were not, "Hey, it's Boyfriend," but rather, "Are you okay?"), it doesn't necessarily mean that he's starting to thaw on the whole relationship front. It doesn't mean that Friday's conversation will go in the "let's stay together" direction instead of the "let's break up forever" direction. Score one for Pseudo-Boyfriend.

We'll see what happens on Friday, I guess. Regardless of what we decide, I know we'll reach a resolution that I can live with, and that's what it is important right now.

An Open Letter

2009-04-17T18:55:00.002-04:00

I am miserable. Completely and utterly miserable.

I can take the blame for questioning our relationship and raising the issues we face as a couple. I can also take ownership for the circumstances under which these issues were discussed and how quickly everything spiraled out of control. It may not have been the right time or place to raise all of the issues we discussed, but everything we talked about was legitimate. It should and would have been talked about and resolved at some point. Both of our concerns are valid and important. But we should have talked about them with a clear head and a clear heart, instead of in the heat of a drunken moment.

I was being a drama queen and once I got on a roll, I wasn't able to stop. My lack of self-control made it easier to push, prod and needle my way to a reaction that I didn't want. I think I wanted you to know that I didn't think our relationship was all rainbows and butterflies and perfection. I wanted you to know that I had some doubts. And, I was hoping to find some glimmer of hope that I could possibly have the same fears but that we could end up on the same page, and have the same hopes and dreams and desires for the future -- a future -- together.

But that wasn't the case. Instead, raising issues that I was concerned with went in a direction that I hadn't planned for, didn't expect and wasn't prepared to face. You didn't react nearly the way that I guess I hoped you would. I was hoping that you'd say, "Let's work on things." Instead, we ended up here. I learned that you have the same concerns, and that your concerns are magnified by what's happening in your life, separate from our relationship.

A thousand questions have been running through my mind: Why didn't I just stop talking? Better yet, why did I start talking in the first place, especially since I'd been so happy and content after our perfect afternoon together?! Why did I allow my drunkenness to interfere with what was in my heart? And If I'd waited for a better time and place, would the outcome have been any different?

So now we're here, on this break, giving one another enough distance to figure out whether this relationship is worth fixing or if fixing it even matters. I'm heartbroken and confused and lost in a sea of my own emotions. A couple of weeks ago, I could have stated unequivocally that if we just communicated a little better, we'd come out on the other end a stronger and happier couple, a couple with infinite possibilities for the future. Now, I'm not so sure.

You want some distance and I will respect that, not only because I love and respect you, but I also understand. I understand that you need to concentrate on yourself right now. I understand the crisis of self that you're facing. But God, how I wish things could be different -- that you could put faith in me, that you could open up to me, that you could lean on me, that you could want me by your side to help you and support you through this difficult time. I so badly want to stand beside you and work through everything you're facing. Together. But that's just not how you're built, is it?

This space/distance/break thing is going to slowly and surely kill me. It's not what I want. I want a resolution. I want us to decide, "Yes/No I can/can't be with this person and work through our differences." Unfortunately, a resolution for our relationship can't be reached until you reach a resolution with your future. That means putting every aspect of our relationship on hold while you concentrate on your career and what your next steps will be. You're not able to give me what I need emotionally, and you think I deserve better.

I feel like you want me to say, "It's okay that we break up. You're right: Our differences are too immense to move past. It's been a fun ride, but it's over." I feel like you want or need it to be a mutual decision. So that you don't feel like a bad guy? So that you know it's the right thing instead of questioning your decision? So that you can be clear-headed enough to move forward in other aspects of your life?

I am too in love with you to do that, and it's not what I want. I want us to come to a greater level of love and understanding with one another. I am ready to take that step with you. It's been a long time since I've loved someone, and knowing love may not be enough deeply hurts.

We have to reach a resolution soon. This state of limbo that we've been in the last four weeks -- four weeks! -- needs to end. It's been the longest and hardest four weeks of my life. I'm letting you "marinate" because it is what you need, but what about what I need?

Hope is a dangerous thing when it causes you to hold onto something that needs to fly away.

Fix yourself and come back to me.

Or let me go, let me forget you.

Please.

Wow, I'm neglectful

2009-03-26T23:53:00.003-04:00

As it somestimes goes with me, I've been suuuuuper busy. Boyfriend and I have had plans pretty much every weekend since - oh, I don't know - Thanksgiving!!! I don't have plans this weekend, so I'm headed to D-town to hang out with my family. I can't wait. It should be a nice weekend of rest and recuperation.

I'm not very good at keeping the blog updated, but if you want to stay up-to-date with me online, follow me on Twitter. I monitor Twitter for my job (yay, getting paid for fun stuff!) so I'm pretty active in the microblogging world.

At some point, you all know that I'll get this thing updated. 'Til then, please know that I do check in on you all through my Google reader (even when I'm not commenting).

Oh by the way --- how annoying is Octo-Mom? I'm ready for her to go away.

Colorado Recap

2009-01-27T16:54:00.009-05:00

Since today is a cold, snowy, sleety, bummy afternoon, I thought now would be the perfect time to recap my recent trip to Colorado. So here goes... Colorado lived up to its billing as a beautiful, crunchy granola wonderland of outdoor sports, hippies and snow. I arrived to a beautiful, sunny day that topped out in the 60s. Gorgeous weather. In fact, the weather was beautiful the entire weekend, which definitely upped the enjoyment factor.

One of the neat things my girlfriends and I did was take the Ski Train into Winter Park. The winding, two-and-a-half hour ride took us up through the mountains to the ski resort. Towards the end of the trip, you go through the MoffatTunnel and then BAM! You're surrounded by tons of snow. I think there were 54 inches the weekend of my trip.

My friend Lori and I did some downhill snowshoeing, which was a really cool experience that I doubt I would have had otherwise. We learned about the local flora and fauna from our experienced guide, Forest (isn't that just perfect?!) and enjoyed a two-mile trek. At the end, Forest taught us how to shimmy and slide down a steep, 50 yard hill. It was cool.

Here are some of my favorite photos from the weekend. Overall, Colorado treated me well and I'd love to go back!

A view of Denver from the Ski Train, heading into the mountains towards Winter Park.

Trees and snow on the side of the mountain. The tree is red because it is actually sunburned on its South-facing side. Did you know trees could get sunburned once they die and lose their spongy, wet outermost layer? Yeah, me either...

My teeny, tiny, child-sized feet in my gigantic snowshoes.

This is a cabin with lots of snow on it. Duh. The porch should give you an idea of the depth of snow.

Hello from base camp! Only 9,000 feet above sea level, no biggie.

All aboard the Ski Train!!

Quick Rant

2009-01-14T08:38:00.003-05:00

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to remain a more active blogger. While I initially started this blog and Cingle in the City to share my thoughts, feelings and personal accounts, I’ve realized in recent years that the blogosphere offers a great opportunity to connect with people who share similar interests. I’d like to become more immersed in the culture of blogging, not just the act of blogging.

To that end, I’ve been noodling around the idea of starting another blog, one that is purely dedicated to an area of my life that I love, food. I heart food: Eating it, cooking it, talking about it, learning about it. So I’ve been thinking about starting a blog that focuses on recipe-sharing, restaurant reviews and general musings about my favorite forms of sustenance.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking of titles for the blog and researching potential .blogspot addresses. Which is where my rant comes in. WHY DO PEOPLE RESERVE BLOG ADDRESSES AND THEN NEVER USE THEM?!?!?!?!

That’s right http://epicurious.blogspot.com, http://epi-curious.blogspot.com, http://iheartfood.blogspot.com, http://yummyinmytummy.blogspot.com and others… I’m talking to YOU!!!

Stay tuned while I keep thinking about this new blog and searching for potential addresses. In the meantime, rest assured that I am totally stewing over the fact that all the good names are taken.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-13T19:24:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it has been a month and a half since my last post. I've been seriously, seriously slacking on the whole blogging thing lately. The holidays got to be soooo busy... and even though I thought things would slow down a little bit once the holidays were over, things have continued to stay busy.

This weekend I head West to Denver. It's the annual Bring-It-On-Athon, an annual girls-only weekend with my besties from h.s. Unfortunately my friend Julia can't be there because of some schedule conflicts. But the weekend is sure to be great fun! I've already started packing and planning for all the fun times ahead!

I'll try to take a bunch of photos and post some here. I'm told it is beautiful country! (What say you, Rocket?)

Britney Spears

2008-11-26T11:38:00.003-05:00

Okay, I admit it: I have a slight obsession with all things Britney Spears. She completely fascinates me. It's a love/hate relationship. I love to read about her, speculate about her and listen to her music; I hate to admit it. She's not that talented or intelligent, but she's interesting, that's for sure. I can't get enough gossip about her.

So I was excited to preview her new album. And guess what? I really like it. It's fluffy and light (she's no gifted lyricist) and danceable. It probably won't win a Grammy, but it's good for a Moon Man or two.

Chalk me up for an album sale when "Circus" debuts next Tuesday.

Life has been so busy!

2008-10-27T13:04:00.003-04:00

Life has been so busy lately that I haven't really had time to post anything. It's been "go, go, go," for what seems like months, and every time I think I'm primed for a breather, something else comes up.

Most of my weekends have been monopolized by plans with Barback Boy -- who shall henceforth be referrd to as "The Boyfriend". We've had plans with our friends. We've suddenly become this unit so much so that I'm asked, "What are you and The Boyfriend doing this weekend, do you want to ____________?"

This past weekend, we went camping with his three closest friends and their respective wives/girlfriends. It was a pretty uneventful weekend, just some four-wheeling and s'more-making and bullshitting.

Oh, and he told me that he loves me. And that is pretty great.

Who? How? What?

2008-10-17T07:48:00.002-04:00

Who in the world are cabbies talking to on their cell phones all day? And how do they have enough to say?

I was in Orlando not too long ago and on cab rides to/from the airport, the cab drivers talked incessantly on their cell phones. They really only stopped to pay the tolls and unpack me from the car.

Each was speaking in another language. other than Spanish or French or something else that I at least could recognize, if not comprehend. So whomever they were speaking to had to be from the same country. And so if the person on the other line was from the same country, and if they were also a cab driver (because really, who has 45 minutes in the middle of the day just to talk?) then the cab company had to employ at least two people from the same country.

What are the odds of that?!

Vice Presidential debates

2008-10-02T18:10:00.003-04:00

How about this for a fun drinking game: Every time Sarah Palin says something moronic, inserts her foot into her mouth or doesn't actually know/have an answer for a question, take a shot of your favorite alcoholic beverage.

You'll be hammered within the first 20 minutes and the debates will be a lot more fun.

Mmmm.... food.....

2008-09-29T10:25:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I read a few local foodie blogs here in Cincinnati and recently, the "Top 100" lists have been making the rounds. Julie over at Wine Me, Dine Me put up her Carnivore's 100.

Thanks to B and K, aka the Westside Foodie Wannabes, I now have a Sweet Tooth's 100 to think about. Here's the deal: You bold the ones you've tried and cross out the ones you would never, ever eat. That simple, right?

So here's mine, with lots and lots of bold. (Parenthesis added)

1. buckeye candy
2. german gummi bears (I guess regular gummi bears don't count?)
3. chocolate covered cranberries
4. flourless chocolate cake
5. butter pecan ice cream
6. oreos
7. oatmeal cream pies
8. key lime pie
9. hostess chocolate cupcake
10. bubble tea
11. creamy whip with jimmies (aka soft serve with sprinkles - for you non-Ohioans)
12. creme brulee
13. eggcream
14. orange julius
15. opera cream chocolates
16. chocolate covered pretzels
17. strawberry shortcake
18. ganache
~~19. liqueur chocolates~~ (These are GROSS!!)
20. a turtle made from something other than pecans
21. bananas foster (I've had a bananas foster egg roll, so I'm counting it.)
22. caramel apple
23. reese's peanut butter easter eggs
24. cracker jacks
25. brownies
26. guinness chocolate cake
27. s'mores
28. mounds bar
29. wendy's frosty
30. black forest cake
31. cajeta
32. german chocolate cake
33. meringue pie
34. pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream
35. ben and jerry's
36. ice cream soda (the old fashioned kind)
37. buche de noel
38. peanut brittle
39. malted milk balls
40. springerle
41. angel food cake
42. cheese danish
43. rainbow sherbet
~~44. marzipan~~
45. tiramisu
46. a real big swirly lollipop
47. cream cheese and jelly sandwich (for breakfast, occasionally)
~~48. licorice (black, not twizzlers)~~
49. sugar-coated nuts, warm, from a street vendor
50. tuiles
51. cotton candy
52. vanilla (ice) cream soda float (root beer only, though I've also had with cream soda)
53. fruitcake
54. torrone (aka nougat - and I think it counts if you've had a nougat candy bar)
55. fig bars
56. new york style cheesecake
57. boston cream pie
58. fluffernutter sandwich
~~59. odd flavored jelly beans: popcorn, jalapeno, earthworm~~
60. moon pie
61. chocolate on beef
62. ginger snaps
63. pineapple upside down cake (!!!)
64. chipwich/chipwheelie (chocolate chip cookie/ice cream sandwich)
65. rice krispie treat
~~66. flan~~ (one word: consistency)
67. pixie sticks
68. baklava
69. bazooka joe gum
70. syrup on bacon or goetta
71. fudge
72. homemade caramels
73. macaroons
74. candy cane
75. huckleberry pie
76. lemon bars
77. creamed honey
78. treacle tart
79. kinder surprise/kinder egg
80. lorna doones
81. almond granita
82. red velvet cake
~~83. tapioca~~ (again... consistency)
84. turkish delight
85. orange marmalade
86. mango lassi
87. chocolate souffle
88. poached pears
89. gelato
90. eggnog
91. french chew
92. sticky toffee pudding
93. panna cotta
94. icee
95. manner hazelnut wafers
96. wonka bar
97. cannoli
98. trifle
99. pez
100. fortune cookie

Clarity (not the John Mayer song)

2008-09-26T10:51:00.002-04:00

Okay, so you all know that I don't really dip my toe into politics on this blog.... though you can probably guess where I stand. I can't take credit for any of the following; I received it as a forward and it didn't give credit to a source. But, I loved the points made and thought other people should hear the message. Enjoy:

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.
If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.
If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Why?

2008-09-19T19:14:00.002-04:00

Why do you have to refrigerate things like salad dressing AFTER you open it, but not before?

Oh, the destruction!

2008-09-15T10:36:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, 50-mph winds ripped through Cincinnati, causing all kind of destruction throughout the city and its suburbs. My apartment was the victim of a power outage that resulted from approximately eleventy billion trees that fell down onto power lines.

One particularly huge tree fell in the front yard of my apartment building, but luckily it didn't hit anyone's apartment and no one appeared to be hurt. I'll try to post pictures of it if it is still in the front yard when I get home from work. The windows in my sunroom were blown open but that was about it.

Power was restored to my apartment shortly after midnight. A mile away, power came on around 2:30 a.m. A mile and a half away, they are still without power. Weird, huh?

Anyway, that's all for now. Pictures if I can get them later!

Food

2008-09-13T15:57:00.006-04:00

Here's what I had for dinner the other day, during Cincinnati's Restaurant Week. I got all three for the special price of $28.08.

First Course: Scallop, spinach, tomato, potato, topped with lobster hollandaise

Second Course: Chateaubriand, aka medium rare beef tenderloin, Boursin whipped potatoes, asparagus with Bernaise sauce

Third Course: Chocolate peanut butter brownie, peanut butter sauce, peanut brittle, vanilla ice cream.

Results: Delicious

Interesting little experiment

2008-09-11T22:37:00.002-04:00

I tend to steal things from other blogs that I like. The other day, I stole a survey from Sarah's blog and posted my own answers over on Cingle in the City. Today, I'm stealing from Scaramouche Jones' blog.

Aaaaanyway, 'Mouche has a post up about his surname and the various countries around the world in which other 'Mouches live. It is an interesting little experiment and I did it for myself.

Alls you do is type your surname into this little search engine and it will pop up all the countries where other people with your surname live. You can break it down by region of that country, too. For example, there is a large population of people with my surname living in Texas... where I have lots and lots of first cousins, so go figure.

You can check out the Web site here: http://www.publicprofiler.org/worldnames/

Here's where I live, in order of surname population density:

Ireland
Australia
Canada
UK
New Zealand
US
Luxembourg
Switzerland
Argentina
Spain (Ole!)

Insomnia

2008-09-10T00:46:00.003-04:00

I have had a particularly vicious case of insomnia this week. It's not an overly important or stressful week at work, so maybe I'm not as exhausted as I am used to being. Maybe my body has gotten so used to the fast pace I've been keeping all summer that having a "downtime" week is throwing it off. Either way, this is the third night in a row where I've laid in bed, my mind unable to stop moving, my body refusing to relax and my eyes feeling increasingly like sand paper.

I hate this.

Ugh.

Back to my roots

2008-09-07T23:56:00.002-04:00

One of the reasons that I went into public relations was because of the writing part. I used to love sitting down with one of those black and white composition notebooks and spinning out a story. In high school, I entered my writing samples into all kinds of award competitions and independently published magazines. At one point, I was actually asked whether one of the stories I turned in had been plagiarized. (This was in the 7th grade, so I understood. And nope, it was all my own work.)

I was reminded of my passion for creative writing when I moved recently. I found a bunch of papers that I'd written for various high school writing classes. I'm going to use them as inspiration to sit down and write the types of things that I used to love, instead of just writing the things I have to write.

Here's one that I can remember enjoying writing, and that made me think of my childhood when reading it.

Grape Juice Symphony

Summer sun, beating down
Upon my brow, sweat trickles.
I'm melting from the heat.
I feel like a puddle has started to form
Under me, on the cement,
A little Lauren puddle.
guess that is what it is like now, at 17.
When the heat gets turned up
We go inside, eager to sit on the AC vent,
Feeling the cold air rush up to cool us off.
But what about summers past,
Diving into the pool
Which was always cold because of the oak trees.
We'd play "basketball" in the front yard.
There was no hoop, only the house trim,
Which was white, and scuffed from our ball.
We'd play house too.
The flower bed was our house, remember?
The neighbors' boat was our sink, where the trailer
Hitch came through our fence.
The pipes for the pool was our back stoop.
Daddy said not to play on them,
But we did anyway.
The heat didn't bother us.
It could be 98 degrees outside,
And we would still be playing in our fort
With the kids down the street.
Now it is 98 degrees outside,
And we sit inside.
We have a basketball hoop now,
But it only swings when the wind blows.
We never play house anymore,
Because it is too hot to play outside.

Weekend Recap

2008-08-18T11:46:00.002-04:00

So.... it was a busy weekend here in the 'Nati, with lots of good times to be had. The weekend started off right when I left work around 1:00 (yay, summer hours!!!) and headed over to my friend Anna's pool. She lives in a loft downtown and her pool is on the rooftop. We had a couple of beers, soaked up some sun and made plans to do the exact same thing this weekend... gotta love it.

After a couple of hours of sun and fun, I went home and prepped for my big bourbon tasting cocktail reception. It was a BLAST and guess what - bourbon isn't as gross as I expected it to be! Maybe because my only experience with bourbon has been a tentative sip of my mom's bourbon and water. Which IS gross!

After the bourbon I was supposed to meet my friends Dennis and Christy for drinks to celebrate Dennis' birthday. Unfortunately, they decided to stay in. Barback Boy texted saying he and his friends were down the road from where I live but by the time I got home an hour later, they had left so we didn't have the chance to meet up.

On Saturday, my friend Jenny had a super-fun backyard bash with Paul Otten, a local singer/songwriter who mostly just plays cover songs. The morning began with mimosas and quiche, then quickly turned to beer and flip cup. Afterwards, Anna and her boyfriend and I met up with friends Lauren and Adam, where more beer was consumed, plus some delicious burgers. Then it was home to take a quick nap/shower before heading over to Stephanie's house for more delicious beer and burgers. At that point, I'd been in the sun and drinking for nine hours, so I ended up exhausted and ready for bed by 10:00. I'm old.

Sunday was another gorgeous day, so of course I spent it outside. Barback Boy and I took in a Cincinnati Reds game and then did our own version of a pub crawl in Mt. Adams. We hit all the good, divey places - City View Tavern (thick, greasy half-pound burgers, approximately five tables and the best view of downtown you'll ever see); Monk's Tiny Cove (where the service is terrible but the drinks are cheap); Pavilion (another fantastic view of downtown); Crowley's (where I was the only girl); and then back to Monk's Tiny Cove where we met up with his brother, Brad, and Brad's girlfriend.... who, by the way, was doing recon for Mama. I like the brother and the brother's girlfriend and so I hope she reports back some good things to Mama. Also, I hope she doesn't share how tipsy I got.

I showed my hand a little, because I told Barback Boy that I am dating other people still but that he is at the top of my list. I really do like him, folks, and my affection for him grows each time we hang out together. In fact, I think we sort of made tentative plans for a trip to Chicago in September. To hang out with his cousins. Ay yi yi.

So now I'm home with a bit of a hangover and a severe allergy attack, debating a pizza and getting all distracted because I want Barback Boy to keep chasing me but I think I gave too much away! :(

L8 4 a D8

2008-08-13T23:01:00.003-04:00

Uh-oh Teach. You may be in trouble now... seeing as how you were almost 30 minutes late for our date tonight!!

Let's go back to where it all started -- the beginning.

So this is my third date with Teach. Third dates are great... you know one another well enough to be comfortable, you might even have some inside jokes, and you know that you like one another enough to see each other again. The possibilities start to open up during the third date, and you start to actually consider keeping this person in your life for a little while.

Our first two dates went really well. What keeps me coming back to back to Teach is that he continues to surprise me - he's got smarts hidden behind this deep Kentucky drawl. He's funny and laid back. And while I don't like him as much as I like Barback Boy, I do like him and was looking forward to seeing him tonight.

For our third date, Teach and I yet again decided to meet for dinner and drinks. (Okay, mild criticism here: I like to eat, but I'm kind of in the mood to DO something, you know?! Like, Barback Boy and I went canoeing. Oh, and also? I have picked the place each time. How about you show some initiative and YOU pick the place next time?!)

Aaaaanyway, Teach had a fundraiser to attend for one of his friends, who is running in the Olympics, but whose mom doesn't have enough moolah to get there. Noble cause. Really admirable. Knowing that he had these other obligations to attend to, we decided to do dinner late and meet at the restaurant at 8:00.

At 7:55, I receive a call from Teach. "Hey, have you left your house yet?" he asked.

"Yep, I'm actually just parking. Why, what's up?"

"I'm running late. I might be closer to 8:05," he said. "Would that be okay? Are you mad?"

Well no, I'm not mad, I thought. After all, you were considerate enough to call and tell me you'd be late. So I responded, "Nope, not at all. See you then."

To kill some time, I took a nice, leisurely stroll around the block. I window-shopped as I passed by some of the upscale boutiques in the area. And I arrived at exactly 8:05.

No Teach.

So I waited for a few minutes in the lobby. I started getting fidgety. The poor hostess, sensing my discomfort, asked if I wanted to go ahead and be seated. Anything is better than just sitting in a lobby, so yeah, I wanted to be seated!!

I called Teach to let him know that I'd been seated and to just come in and find me. As we are about to hang up, I casually asked him if he'd be there soon.

Well, he's still about 10 minutes away. So no, he wasn't close and he was going to be late. "Go ahead and order a drink while you wait for me," he says.

Well, okay, no problem. A few more minutes is fine. But 20 minutes later, he still isn't there, my wine is getting warm and I, of course, am freaking out. That's when he ambles in.

He was incredibly apologetic. I swear, he must have apologized about a dozen times. But here's what happened. I guess he was late to this fundraiser event. Then, the newspaper and one of the TV stations showed up. (This story is big news in Cincinnati, so this much is plausible.)

Since he had some T-shirts custom designed and was selling them for this benefit, he was asked to be interviewed. He complied, but it put him farther behind. And then a bunch of his friends showed up, so he felt like he had to schmooze with them for a bit. Finally, at 7:55, he realized that he had to leave the benefit for our date... which by the way, was half an hour from where the benefit was being held. Hence the lateness.

Here's the thing: It doesn't bother me so much that he was late. It doesn't even bother me that he waited until five minutes before we were supposed to meet to call me.

What bothers me is that he told me he was going to be five minutes late, but in reality was going to be 25 minutes late. The benefit was in his hometown, and we were having dinner in the suburb where he lives now. So he KNOWS it takes longer than 10 minutes to get there. So why not just tell me that he's going to be 30 minutes late; I would have been slightly annoyed, but I would have killed some time and been none the worse for the wear.

And when I asked him why he didn't just tell me that he'd be 30 minutes late (and probably asked none too gently, considering I was actually kind of pissed off at that point...) he told me, "Well, I didn't want you to be mad."

But you thought that I wouldn't be mad just hanging out waiting for you for 25 minutes?! I mean, I could give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's being sincere and had the best of intentions. After all, he is a nice guy.

But on the other hand... is this a sign of things to come? What do you think, world? If a guy is nearly 30 minutes late to a date - pretty much knowing that he's going to be late but not wanting to "make you mad" by being honest about it - do you give him a second chance and see how it goes, or do you drop him like a hot potato and move on to the next?

Grade: C-

Cross posted at Cingle in the City.

Hodgepodge of nonsensical musings and gibberish

2008-08-12T21:24:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I've been remiss in my updating duties lately. I had such a busy week last week, with lots of events and such to attend to, and so updating my blog fell to the bottom of the priority list.

This week is shaping up to be more of the same. I've got a date with Teach tomorrow night, sand volleyball on Thursday, a pool party Friday afternoon, cocktail party on Friday evening and a birthday party on Friday night. On Saturday afternoon I have a BBQ/backyard concert to attend, and another BBQ to attend later that night. I'm hoping to squeeze in some time for Barback on Sunday night but at this point, I may be so tired and hungover that I just want to be by myself. Sigh.

So, who is watching these Olympics? I love the Olympics and have been tuning in every night. Swimming, gymnastics, beach volleyball... those are my faves. I love the commercials, the patriotism, the sportsman-like conduct, the commentary by the (sometimes douchey) TV announcers, the excitement of the crowds.

Also, did anyone see the Paris Hilton response to the John McCain ad? Who knew P-Hilt could be so funny?! Of course, she had someone write it for her, but she actually pulls it off, I have to hand it to her.

Aaaanyway, I'll post a better blog entry soon but I am exhausted and ready to watch some of these fine Olympic games we've got going. See you again soon!

Well I haven't done THAT in a while

2008-08-01T10:34:00.004-04:00

Last week, I read Sarah's answers to this survey. I liked it. So I stole it.

1. Last Movie I Saw In A Movie Theater? Get Smart

2. What Book Are You Reading? Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

3. Favorite Board Game? Monopoly

4. Favorite Magazine? People

5. Favorite Smells? The ocean, rain, freshly cut grass, Aqua di Gio (or other nice boy smells), stargazer lilies

6. Favorite Sounds? The ocean, rain, the doorbell

7. Worst Feeling In The World? Hurting people I love.

8. First Thing You Think of When You Wake? Did I already hit the snooze button? How much longer can I wait until I really have to get up?

9. Favorite Fast Food Place? Chipotle, McDonald’s

10. Future Child's Name? Jackson, Luke, Dylan, Ava, Nina, Sophia Nicolas, Isaac

11. Finish This Statement—If I Had a Lot of Money I’d be rich.

12. Do You Drive Fast? Yes

13. Do You Sleep With a Stuffed Animal? Yes – and its name is Round-Headed Fuzzy Baby Bear

14. Storms—Cool or Scary? Rockin’

15. What Was Your First Car? Ford Taurus

16. Favorite Drink? Coke, vodka tonic, beer, wine

17. Finish This Statement—If I Had the Time I would take a nap.

18. Do You Eat the Stems on Broccoli? Yes

19. If You could Dye your Hair Any Other Color, What Would It Be? Black

20. Name All the Different Cities In Which You Have Lived: Mobile, Dayton, Oxford, Cincinnati

21. Favorite Sport to Watch? Football

22. One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You: Sarah notices things and is funny about things that I don't notice and can't be funny about. I'm envious.

23. What’s Under Your Bed? Boxes of stuff that didn't fit in any drawers

24. Would You Like to Be Born As Yourself Again? Yes. There are some things I would do differently the second time around.

25. Morning Person or Night Owl? Night owl

26. Over Easy or Sunny Side Up? Over easy

27. Favorite Place to Relax? In my bed, on the beach or in the park

28. Favorite Ice Cream Flavor? Strawberry chocolate chip from Graeters

Date #7 - Lord of the Rings

2008-07-29T21:40:00.005-04:00

Tonight was date #2 with Mr. Marvelous. Our first date was just okay, but since we'd had so many great phone conversations before it, I wanted to have a second date. I thought maybe that I allowed my disappointment to color my overall impression of him.

We decided to meet at Macaroni Grill... except that, as I realized about 30 minutes before date time, I realized that Macaroni Grill is closed. So instead we met at Ruby Tuesday. Once again he brought me a flower, only this time it was two yellow roses. I sort of got the impression that every date we'd have, the more flowers I would get. It's a sweet gesture, but considering the amount of doom I felt about going on this date I couldn't really appreciate it for what it was worth.

As I blogged in my last post about Mr. Marvelous, I had a completely different image of him in my head than the person who appeared in front of me on our date. You might recall that I thought he was this cute, shortish guy before I met him... but in reality, he's tall and lanky with a weird body shape. What I didn't realize was that he actually reminds me a bit of a hobbit. Broad face, pointy ears. Sort of like this, but with shorter hair:

I came to this unfortunate realization about 5 minutes into our date... try enjoying your salad when all you can think is, "Frodo! Frodo Baggins!"

Sigh.

So we ordered and I tried to put the hobbit resemblence from my mind. My meal came with a salad bar, which he told me I could go enjoy. (Yes, you read that correctly. Told me.)

10 minutes in and I'm already annoyed that he's giving me permission to go to the salad bar. This was gonna be a long night.

I made myself a huge and delicious salad, which I began to enjoy upon my return to the table. However, he kept making comments about how weird he felt watching me eat. So I moved the plate to the side and waited for our meals to come. But then he got all weird about having chastised me for eating my salad. Hello dude?! What do you want from me?!

20 minutes in and I wanted to kill him.

While we were making idle conversation, he wanted to know what my first impressions of him were. I guess I wouldn't have thought that was such a weird question if my first impressions of him were positive. I know he was just trying to give me a compliment because he liked me "spirit", but I was just sort of put off by the whole question.

Our food came a few minutes later - thank goodness, because the awkward silence was starting to streeeeeeeetch. Except that during dinner he talked about salmonella poisoning. And the silence began to streeeeeeetch again.

50 minutes in and I was ready to go. Check please!

We finished our meal and the server brought the check. I picked up the tab because I knew I was about to break things off and figured a free meal would at least soften the blow. I got the impression that he wanted to linger and chat some more. I suggested we head out.

We walked out to the parking lot and I mentioned I was going to walk over to the bookstore for a few minutes, so this would be where we parted ways. He went for the hug/"I had a great time" combo. As we were hugging, I pulled out the "We're not clicking" line.

I hated the look of disappointment on his face. I hated that I put it there. He (understandably) cooled considerably upon hearing that I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. I hate this part.

He kind of creeped me out at that point, so I wandered towards the bookstore and hung out for a few minutes until I thought he'd left. Seriously, I'm a 27 year old woman and I felt the need to hide? L.A.M.E.

Grade: N/A

Up next: Drinks/dinner with Teach tomorrow - Woo hoo!

Cross-posted at Cingle In The City.

Cornhole Revealed

2008-07-28T22:45:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I've talked a little bit about cornhole on this blog before, and no one outside of Ohio really even knows what it is. So I'm going to break it down for you as best as I can.

So basically, there are two boards with holes in them. The hole is situated towards the far end of the board, at the point highest (about 15 degrees, I'd say) from the ground. The boards are each about three feet long from the start of the board to the edge of the hole. See this photo.

You place each board on the ground about 30 feet apart from edge to edge. One player from each team (there are two teams total playing on the same "court" at a time, so four players total) stands on either side of the board. Their team member stands opposite them at the other board.

Players take turns tossing four corn-filled bags apiece. If you land a bag on the board, you score a point. If you land a bag in the hole, you score three points. Each player takes turns tossing their four bags. At the end of the round, the low score is subtracted from the high score. So if my team gets three bags in the hole, we get six points. But if the other team gets two bags in the hole and one on the board, we only get one point.

The game continues with each player taking turns tossing the bags until one team reaches 21. The first team to reach 21 wins.

Of course, rules will vary a little bit regionally. For example, we always play that if you bust on 21, you go back to 13 points. Others don't play that way, which can make it a little confusing.

Even though it looks kind of boring, the game is actually really fun and can get pretty intense, especially when teams exchange leads or the game is tight. Consider that drinking is often done in conjunction with the game.

Okay, this video is kind of cheesy but here you go, this might help a little. It explains a lot better than I could.

Things I learned today

2008-07-21T20:58:00.002-04:00

1) There are 23 bones in the human hand and 26 in the human foot.

2) The human body has 600 muscles.

3) The average length of the small intestine is 10 feet.

4) Your skin is the heaviest organ in your body.

5) Science is freakin' cool.

I took a vacation day today and had a "Mommy and Me" day with my mom. We went out to lunch at this restaurant called Chalk, followed by the "Bodies" exhibit at Cincinnati Museum Center. It was nice to spend some time just hanging out with her, especially since the pace of my life has been so busy lately and shows no signs of slowing down.

-------------Weekend Recap--------------

Friday: Drinks at Mulligan's with "Teach" followed by a party at Volleyball Joel's, where we played cornhole and just sat around bullshitting. Later met up with my friend TJ, whose company I am beginning to enjoy more and more as he lets me see behind the tough exterior.

Saturday: Date night with myself, followed by an interesting and lengthy conversation with The Ex (S). He hooked up with someone else. He called her by my name. Point for me. We actually had a really great conversation, he knows what is behind his fear of commitment and it sounds like he is really trying to embrace an understanding of himself and how he affects other people. Point for him.

Sunday: Felt GROSS - sore throat, congested, tired, weak. Popped Halls like candy and made it through the day.

-----------------Up Next-----------------

Tomorrow: Drinks with the girls at The Rusty Bucket to celebrate Anna's new job.
Wednesday: Happy hour and charity auction
Thursday: More sand volleyball with the "Beaters" crew - Joel, Joey, Scott, Megan, Megan #2, Kelli and Coach Jen.

2008-07-15T22:38:00.002-04:00

Tonight I had a date with Mr. Marvelous. Here's how it went down.

We decided to meet at J. Alexander's. I have said before that I have this kind of weird, tingly feeling whenever we've had conversations in person. But I think I had a different image of him in my head than who he is in real life. In his photo, he looked like this cute, sort of short-ishy guy, but in real life he is tall and has kind of a weird body shape. Right off the bat I was a little disappointed... the chemistry that I'd felt on the phone just didn't seem to be translating into real life.But he brought me a pinky/yellowy rose which was incredibly thoughtful and charming. So I tried to set the fact that he wasn't at ALL what I expected aside.

I also felt a little awkward because while not the most expensive steakhouse I've ever been to, J. Alexander's is a nice restaurant. And when I eat steak, I usually eat filet mignon because it is the smallest cut of beef and is always delicious. But on a first date, I feel kind of weird and almost guilty ordering a big expensive meal, even if the dude is the one who suggested it.It wouldn't be so bad if they guy was planning to order a big expensive meal, too.

Unfortunately, when I compared what I was thinking of getting to what he was getting, it was clear that my meal was going to be more expensive. Like, double. And I felt bad about that! So rather than get the glass of wine and the filet that I would normally get, I got a strip steak (uck) and stuck to water. That way, we were a little more on par with one another. And oh yeah, since he doesn't drink at all, I would have felt TOTALLY out of place getting a relaxing glass of pinot noir. Sigh.

Anyway, the conversation was good but I felt like I wasn't being quite myself. I think I was trying to overcompensate for the fact that I was disappointed that I'd built up my expectations of him, and he didn't meet them. And by the end of the date, I was ready for it to be over.

I will go out with him again. Now that I have a better sense of what to expect, I think it will be a little easier. Maybe I can concentrate more on what he is saying and less about how my intuition was so totally off about him. We just had such GREAT conversations on the phone... and I had sort of built him up in my mind and was disappointed by the real thing.

Grade: B-

I treated myself to some fro-yo after my date, and literally bumped into a hottie in line in front of me. We made conversation and while I didn't make a move and neither did he, I was still struck by the fact that you literally could meet someone anywhere.

Cross-posted at Cingle In the City.

Weekend Recap

2008-07-13T21:29:00.004-04:00

Brian often recaps his weekends, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. I give you my Weekend Recap for your reading pleasure.

Friday: Date with myself

I picked up some Chipotle, got a six pack of beer and STAYED IN. Caught up on TV, talked for a little while to Mr. Marvelous and had a great night.

Saturday: Cookout at Megan's

Beer, hot dogs, Mexican dip, Jell-O, cornhole, good tunes and good friends... what could be better? The weather was unbearably hot, but the rain held off until late. My friend TJ and I went up to the bar down the street and did a couple of Irish Car Bombs. I smoked him, per usual. (The Irish Car Bomb is one of my favorite drinks ever, and I have an inhuman ability to chug 'em down.)

Today: Date #2

So today I had a date with Tall, Dark and... Skinny. He was exactly as described. Really tall and REALLY skinny.

We went to the Cincinnati Art Museum, which is an awesome place. It was the first time I'd ever been there, and I definitely need to go back. We spent two hours wandering the various exhibits and trying to make converation. But in the hushed reverence of a museum is not the best place to make conversation, especially for the first time.

At one point, I saw him reach onto his belt for a little device. Yeah - he was wearing a pedometer. "This thing must not be working," he said. "It says I've only taken 245 steps!"

[Editor's Note: When I told my mom that, she laughed louder than I've heard in a while. I assumer you're joining her in laughter.]

At the end of the date, he asked me if I wanted to go eat. But the conversation, the chemistry just weren't there. So I declined. I mean, the kid is hugely nice and you can tell he is a total sweetheart, but if it's not poppin', it's not poppin'.

And seriously... a pedometer?! You may want to leave that at home the next time, fella.

Grade: D

Up Next: Dinner on Tuesday with Mr. Marvelous; Sushi with my girls Stephanie and Kristen on Wednesday; AMA YP meeting, followed by the first game in our summer sand volleyball league on Thursday.

Portions of this post are cross-posted at Cingle in the City.

Date #1

2008-07-09T18:07:00.000-04:00

Last night was Date #1 with Italian Stallion.

We met at The Hillside Room, a quiet little restaurant that has a tavern on one side and a restaurant on the other. Unfortunately, Italian Stallion asked me to meet him on the tavern side, so I went in, ordered a beer and waited. Then a fancy-schmancy server beckoned me over to the other side, where my date was waiting. Oops.

The food was good. The conversation was good. He was pretty much what I expected. A gentleman all the way. A little nervous. A few awkward silences. Was the ZING there? Not sure yet... It is really hard to go out with a person for the first time, especially when it's a blind day. It was kind of hard to tell if we were both being ourselves 100 percent; in fact, he mentioned that he was being more quiet than usual. At the same time, I felt like I was having dinner with an old friend. Is the keyword "friend"?

Grade: B+

Cross-posted at Cingle in the City

Okay, so I up and did it!

2008-07-07T19:41:00.003-04:00

http://cingleinthecity.blogspot.com

I'm trying to keep it anonymous...

I will probably cross-post here or at least let you all know that the site has been updated. To those of you who are single: Take heart, your dating disasters can't be as bad as mine! To those who are married: Way to fight the good fight. :)

Note to self

2008-06-30T14:36:00.001-04:00

Dear Self:

You cannot drink a medium-sized chocolate milk shake from McDonald's. Stop. Trying.

Love,

Lauren

Summertime

2008-06-29T12:18:00.003-04:00

When I was a kid, summertime represented freedoom. It meant spending lazy days at the pool or splashing through the sprinkler. It meant escaping to the cool darkness of a movie theater for a matinee Disney flick. As I got a little older, it meant staying up really late to finish a book, knowing I didn't have to work in the morning. It meant going to a bonfire to drink beer and make s'mores.

Summertime for adults is a much different thing. The lazy days of summer are gone, replaced by the real world and the concerns of getting it all done. Work. Errands. Maintaining friendships and starting new ones. The lazy days of summer that everyone talks about seems like a cruel joke that the universe is playing on you, a distant memory or a prize that is just out of reach.

It really sucks.

So how does one try to recapture the summer of their youth? How do we go back to feeling like summer is our reward for working hard the rest of the year?

feeling

2008-06-28T00:15:00.001-04:00

i'm drunk and it's making me a little crayz. He and I just became frineds on myspace and I went there today and he has flirtatious messages posted form a girl who says "no, i think I picked you up."

she lives in cincinnati.

mother fucker.

I feel lie crap.

Wine and chocolate

2008-06-23T20:42:00.003-04:00

Wine and chocolate. Two substances guaranteed to mend any number of ills, most notably, a broken heart.

The jubilation in my first post of the year and the depths of despair chronicled ever-so-briefly in my second post of the year may provide some insight into the roller coaster of emotions I have experienced in the past six months.

I met the ex - S - when I least expected it: Three days after Christmas through the same mutual friend who introduced me to my last serious boyfriend, Andy. S is easily the best, best, best guy i have ever dated. I fell for him. Hard. I have never, in all my life, been so convinced that I would marry someone.

The feelings were mutual. Within a week and a half, he'd told me about a daydream he'd had in which we were saying our vows. I was in a white dress. YES - that daydream. I'd had similar daydreams and was glad to know we were on the same page.

As the weeks progressed, we would make thinly veiled references to our future life together. Should he get started on his Master's now so that he can get his PhD quicker so that I could stay home with the kids if I wanted to? Should I start looking for jobs in Vegas? Everyone noticed how different this guy was, how differently I talked about him, how differently he treated me from some of the lame guys I'd dated in the past. I think we all thought I really would marry this guy and live happily ever after. Even my mom warned me not to come back married after a long weekend with him in Vegas.

And then.

And then it was just over. Suddenly. All of these issues started to come up. His past relationship failures. His fear of becoming like his father - a person who has abandoned both of the families he has become with an appalling lack of decency. Some stuff in his past that makes intimacy difficult and trust even more so. Major, major baggage.

It was the longest and the shortest breakup ever. Like I said: It was just over. He wasn't around for me to keep seeing. We don't talk to the same people on a regular enough basis to hear about one another through the grapevine. We tried to stay in contact and remain friends, but our natural camaraderie took over and we spent hours on the phone, just as we had before. It made it that much harder for me. Here was a person I loved deeply, deeply enough to actually really want to marry with no reservations, and I couldn't even listen to him breathe without fighting the overwhelming urge to cry. So we cut off communication completely.

After S and I broke up, I was in a bit of a rut. One day, tired of my own self-pity I recommitted myself to... myself. I had the brilliant idea that I would take a year and recommit to myself. The goal was to take all the energy that I would put into a relationship and put it back into myself. This year of dating myself would include (but not be limited to) working on all the things that I dislike about myself; investing more time in making new friends (and keeping the old); pushing myself to experience new things; and finally, starting the life that I have always wanted instead of waiting for my life to start. I am rediscovering myself. I know, I know: It sounds dorky (and it is). Maybe I'll turn it into a diary/self-help book.

But the thing is, my self-therapy has started to work. I have started to heal. It has taken a lot of wine and chocolate. I still cry over him - those big, heaving sobs that leave you drained on the bathroom floor - but the crying jags get shorter and come with far less frequency and violence than they used to.

I have been thinking a lot lately about getting back into online dating again. You all remember my Cingle in the City escapades, right?! I am thinking that even though I am dating myself, I can still date other people. I just won't be in an exclusive relationship with them. Plus, dating is fun and there is nothing like a dozen or so admirers to boost one's self-confidence. Some friends have been clamoring for it, claiming it is the perfect summer distraction. They may be right... we'll see.

So, sorry for the long, self-imposed sabbatical, folks. Hopefully I can win back my beloved blogger buddies. I've missed you and the cathartic power of this little online diary/window to my soul. And I just bought a fancy-schmancy computer so now I am completely wireless and utterly in love. You'll be hearing more from me, soon!

Sabbatical

2008-03-19T22:49:00.000-04:00

I'm taking one. From men. From blogging. From life.

New Year, new me, new he

2008-01-17T11:52:00.000-05:00

So, this month has already been completely crazy for me. I was assigned to two new accounts (taking my total up to seven, if anyone is counting) and I'm now supervising four accounts instead of two. So, needless to say, there has been a huge adjustment for me at work.

Then, there's.... him. The guy that I met over Christmas, when I was home in Dayton visiting my family. We met through a mutual friend and he is simply fantastic. It's been a whirlwind. I have only known him for three weeks, but I feel like I've known him all my life. Despite the fact that he lives 2,000 miles away - or maybe, in spite of that fact - we're working it out.

I tend to be excited about a new romance, freak out a little, find something wrong with it and then drop it like a box of hot rocks in a fairly impressive time frame. With him, I'm just excited. There is no, "He's great, but..." Even the fact that he lives in Las Vegas and I live in Cincinnati doesn't deter me from having a relationship with him. In fact, I think it is something that is incredibly good for us, because we get to concentrate on all these other aspects of our relationship before we take it to the next level.

Usually, I post my blogs in the evening when I get home from work, but lately I've only had a couple of hours to do the laundry, clean the house, make dinner, etc. before I settle in for my nightly, hours-long call with him. We can talk for hours and hours on end and not get bored, not run out of things to day and at the end of the conversation, even though we've been on the phone for a couple of hours, I'm still sad to hang up. So, if I'm a little bit lame with the posting, that is part of the reason. (Although, I did just figure out how to do it from work, so that is great news!)

The other great thing about this new relationship is the fact that I feel like we are totally and completely on the same page. It's refreshing to know that we're not going to freak one another out when we talk "us" or "we" or any of that. It feels like it is all moving so quickly, but at the same time, I'm embracing it fully. It might be quick, but it's the right pace for us.

Even my friends have noticed the change in my demeanor. They noticed it within the first conversation that I had about them, when I'd just met him but instinctively felt there would be more to him than just one date and an occasional call.

Seriously, is this happening to me?

Too busy to post

2007-12-26T00:13:00.000-05:00

With the holidays, vacations, etc. I am really busy right now. More after the first of the year... in the meantime, everyone be safe and happy!

Ouch

2007-12-16T11:35:00.001-05:00

Ho Ho Holiday 2.0 was last night. I am hungover. 'Nuff said.

New drink!

2007-11-29T22:11:00.000-05:00

For the second year in a row, I will be hosting the Ho Ho Holiday pub crawl. Ho Ho Holiday 2.0 will commence on December 15, 2007 at 9:00 p.m. at my apartment in Cincinnati. Following several warm up drinks, we will head to a bar district and bounce from bar to bar in complete abandon. It promises to be as much fun, if not more fun, than last year.

In honor of Ho Ho Holiday 2.0, I give you the "Ho Ho Holitini", a drink that I developed in my kitchen after much trial and error:

1 part pomegranate vodka (Recommend Three Olives brand)
1 part Ruby Red grapefruit vodka (Recommend Absolut brand)
2 parts cranberry juice
Splash of club soda

Shake vodkas and cranberry juice over ice. Add splash of club soda and stir. Strain into a martini glass and enjoy.

Cheers.

I heart National City

2007-11-26T17:31:00.000-05:00

I was checking my credit card statement today when I noticed a pretty stiff late fee and finance charge on my account.... but my National City checking account statement showed that a payment had been posted to the credit card company on time. I called Capital One to figure out why I was socked with these charges when my bank statement showed the payment on time. I waited for 10 minutes before I got tired of waiting and hung up. So I called National City customer service to ask the same thing. I was patched through to an operator, the mistake (theirs) was explained and the solution offered within three minutes. Great customer service, and they are taking care of everything, to boot.

And that is why I heart National City.

Thankful

2007-11-20T18:59:00.001-05:00

Hundreds of people stood in line in the pre-dawn hours of the morning. Some jostled babies on their hips. Some shifted restlessly in their wheelchairs. Some joked and laughed, talking to make the time go by. Some simply stood, this just one more task needing to be completed before the end of the day.

They were standing in line for food at a food bank. They were waiting to receive boxes of food that would allow them to make themselves and their families a Thanksgiving meal. Each box would contain a chicken, turkey or ham; potatoes, fresh produce and onions; canned fruit and vegetables; some kind of boxed dessert mix. Everything needed for a holiday meal.

They all had stories to tell. She was a working single mother of three who could no longer stretch the paycheck far enough to pay the rent, the bills and the grocery. He'd been in an accident and didn't have health insurance. She was married, with 2.5 kids and a dog and a house in the 'burbs, who just needed a little help getting by.

Their stories were all different, but they had one thing in common: They were all hungry. After all, hunger knows no boundaries. And so they stood, united by the fact that they wanted to feed themselves and their families, aware of the fact that they couldn't and resigned to the fact that they had to ask for help.

The line shuffled forward slowly, 20 people at a time. Volunteers collected information from them: Names, identification, number of people in household. The volunteers were careful, methodical. They had a kind word and a smile to share, but they had no tolerance for those who tried to take advantage of the system.

Through the door, up the ramp, into the hallway, down the steps, into the food room. The line shifted forward, inch by inch, one person at a time. Stepping into a large room separated by a long counter and a bank of computers, those in line knew they were close to the end. Another group of volunteers took their paperwork, then started doling out boxes of food, arranged neatly in crates behind them. Bags of produce came next. Then the prize: The turkey.

One man sat off to the side, in his electric scooter. A volunteer was coming to help him with his groceries. But he couldn't wait that long. He dropped a hand, shriveled and spotted, into a bag, rummaged around. He came out with an apple and bit right in. He was sorry he couldn't wait, but he was hungry. He hadn't eaten in a day.

I stood there, taking it all in. A few moments ago, I'd been thinking of how hungry I was, how I couldn't wait to get back to the office and dig in to the cup of yogurt I'd packed for lunch. Now I watched as an old man bit into an apple, chewing ravenously, and I felt ashamed. I didn't know the first thing about being hungry.

A volunteer came to escort the old man back outside. As he scooted past, he gave me a nod, his brown eyes sober. "Happy Thanksgiving," he said. There was pride in his voice. There were tears in mine. "Happy Thanksgiving," I replied.

-------------
Thankful. Grateful. Hopeful. That's how I am feeling this Thanksgiving. I wish the same for you.

Survey Says...

2007-11-18T12:02:00.000-05:00

So this is stolen from multiples people... Sherry, Sarah, Dawn...

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Matthew Perry (in a Friends re-run)
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Hoping to go back to sleep
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Dishes
4. What happened to you in 2006?
I got a breast reduction, turned 25, got a new job and moved to Cincinnati
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Who needs angels, anyway?" (Does it count since I actually sang it out loud?)
6. How many beverages did you have today?
Water, milk
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Silver-ish
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Drain-O, silicone hair serum, wine and my book club book (Target = the happiest place on Earth)
9.Where were you last night?
At home
10. What color is your front door?
White
11. Where do you keep your change?
The parking meters in downtown Cincinnati
12. What’s the weather like today?
Football weather - crisp, cool and mostly sunny
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Strawberry chocolate chip as made by Graeters ice cream. It is only available two months out of the year, but it is worth the wait
14. What excites you?
Working with my two favorite clients, making up recipes, cleaning
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, I am trying to grow it out
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yes
17. Do you talk a lot?
Dear lord, YES!!!
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
No, but I watch Gossip Girl , which is essentially the same thing
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
My youngest bro's friend is named Steven, so I guess I sort of know him
20. Do you make up your own words?
Wonky
21. Are you a jealous person?
Sometimes
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Andy
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kristen
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Lori
25. What does the last text message you received say?
"Whoa whoa whoa. No problem. See u monday."
26. Do you chew on your straw?
When I am finished with my drink and bored
27. Do you have curly hair?
You tell me

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Work tomorrow
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Probably my co-worker Joe
30. What was the last thing you ate?
Apple cinnamon pancakes
31. Will you get married in the future?
Maybe
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Knocked Up
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Brian in Minneapolis HAHAHAHA :)
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Right before I wrote this post
35. Are you currently depressed?
Nope
36. Did you cry today?
Not yet
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Because I haven't posted anything with substance in a while

Short rant

2007-11-14T08:10:00.000-05:00

If I have my blinker on next to a parallel parking spot, it means I am going to park there. So don't come zooming up on my ass and then beep your horn at me when I don't move.

Bitch.

This weekend

2007-11-04T21:19:00.000-05:00

Halloween party in Toledo. Soooo much fun, as it included the following (in no particular order or relevance):
- A hot tub
- Flip cup
- Purple crushed velvet pimp suit
- Mysterious bruises all over my body
- S'mores
- Heart to hearts
- A bonfire
- Hangovers
- Looooong Sunday afternoon naps
- Fishnet stockings
- Make out sessions

All in all, a very successful and very fun weekend. Well done to Leia and Ryan on a great party. And to the girls and boys that I never get to see but love tremendously (including the gestating baby...): I love you and miss you and hope to see you again really soon! Thank you for making this weekend such a blast!!

With great responsibility comes great power

2007-10-29T23:14:00.000-04:00

I was promoted today, sort of. Although I have not yet been officially promoted to the position of account supervisor, I am going to start taking on some supervisory responsibilities on two of my accounts, which is to say that I will now have one person working under me to take the bulk of the work, while I provide counsel and strategic direction as needed. Tomorrow, everything starts to change.

It scares the shit out of me.

I have always been ambitious, and I've always been driven to succeed. It's been my goal to be the vice president of public relations at some company by the time I'm 30. I have always believed that I would go far, but I guess I didn't really expect that it would happen to me so young in my career.

But at 26, while most of the people I graduated with are still account executives*, I am getting ready to make the leap into management. In fact, I am younger than my new account executive by 2 years.

It literally scares the shit out of me.

This is a really big step for me, both personally and professionally. I know that there will be challenges ahead. I know that I will sometimes succeed and sometimes fail. I know that I don't know everything I should probably know to be in this position. But I've worked my ass off to get here, and I deserve it.

The notion that I deserve it is something I'm coming around to.

The only bummer in this situation is that I will be supervising my two favorite accounts. The one allows me to really feel like I am DOING something... that I'm not just selling products or ideas, but solutions that will really, truly help people. The other client is my favorite because of the people... my "gay boyfriend" is my main client contact and I don't know how I'll go from calling him three times a day to calling him three times a month. Basically, I'll be DOING less work and OVERSEEING more work. Make sense?

Not only will the scope and responsibility of my work change, the way that I am viewed by my peers will change. This is what I am having the most trouble with. The girl whom I will be supervising is my friend. We eat lunch together in our little group of 6 almost every day. Her brother is trying to date me. I can practically feel the tension mounting.

Plus, the other girls at the lunch table won't feel like they can grouse about their jobs in front of me. I'll go from being a friend to a superior. I don't like the thought of losing my social network when my social network is so small to even begin with. I KNOW that this is the next logical step in my career and I have always known this day is coming. I guess I just thought I had more time to get used to the idea... I guess I thought that I'd become a supervisor at my next job, not right now.

(Here is where I have to stop myself from being so melodramatic. It's not the end of world, and I'm not even technically a supervisor yet.)

It is nice to know that my own supervisors have faith in me. I like knowing that they trust me to take this step and are willing to help me through it. It seems ironic that 2 months ago I got a nasty gram from them, telling me that I had a lot of areas to improve upon. I guess I made the improvements they requested, and then some.

I feel like I am becoming the PR professional that I am meant to be. At the same time, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety over leaving behind the professional that I am. I need to take the faith that my supervisors have in me and have it in myself.

But god, I'm scared shit less!

*NOTE: The typical progression of a professional in the PR field is as follows. The numbers behind each position indicate the number of years of experience each position generally requires. Note that I will celebrate my 5th year out of college next summer: Assistant Account Executive (1-2 years); Account Executive (2-4 years); Senior Account Executive (5-7 years); Account Supervisor (6-9); Senior Account Supervisor (10-15 years); Assistant Vice President and so on...

Another weird dream

2007-10-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

In this one, I was pregnant and had to tell my family that I didn't know who the father was. Talk about a nightmare.

To Do List

2007-10-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

Go to the grocery store
Go to Target
Wash, dust, Armorall and vacuum car
Get oil change
Clean house (includes dusting)
Organize book club
Buy book for book club
Call Dennis to see if I am going to the Bob Dylan concert with him (cross fingers)
Watch Bengals game
Make nice with boys upstairs
Clean closet
Purge refrigerator
Pay bills
Work out
Rejoin Match.com
Do laundry
Find out why vacuum has suddenly stopped working

Dreams

2007-10-08T17:28:00.000-04:00

I had this crazy dream last night. I dreamt that I was driving along in a car, holding a baby. The baby (well, he was more like a two year old) was hanging his head out the window enjoying the sweaty summer breeze. The sun shone down on the car as we sped along a curving, dusty road towards the beach.

I stopped by a white fence – the kind of white, split-rail fence that encloses a paddock – to ask permission of the child's mother to take him to the beach. The mother (who incidentally was depicted in my dream as my friend Leia's mother-in-law) was on her hands and knees in the dust, a straw hat on her head and a small spade in her hand. She was gardening, digging among huge tomato plants and God knows what else. Leia was with her. I asked if I could take the baby to the beach. The mother looked skeptical, but I saw Leia nod to her, as if to assure her that I would not harm the baby. The mother said it was fine and the baby and I took off towards the coast.

We arrived at the beach and started walking towards the water. All of a sudden, the sky darkened and the water became tumultuous. Without warning, a huge wave came racing towards the shore. Everything began to move in in slow motion – me, holding a small child, being sucked suddenly and fiercely into a 100-foot wave with no possibility of escape. I rode along its crest, held high above the beach and the swirling water. I saw the people below, the mother and my friend Leia, gesturing frantically towards me, but there was nothing any of us could do.

I was held aloft by the wave as it carried me far, far down the beach. Suddenly, I felt the wave disappear beneath me and I was plummeting towards the earth. I turned on my back, towards the sky, and cradled the child in my arms. We landed in a palm tree miles away from where we started.

I could see the mother and my friend Leia wildly searching for us, combing the beach to find some indication that we were alright. My dreamland self tried to catch their attention – "We're okay, we're in the palm tree!!" – but it was of no use. The mother sobbed violently and blamed me for taking her child to the beach... and then taking her child away from her.

As the search party left the beach, I somehow found a way to shimmy down the trunk of the palm tree to the littered beach below. The baby suddenly (and inexplicably) became my youngest brother. Not a baby version of my brother, but the full-grown, 19-year-old current version of my brother. I was still cradling him. Together, we took off down the beach in search of the mother.

That's where the dream ended. I woke up tangled in my sheets, curled tightly into a sweaty ball. My heart was racing. My body was shaking. And I felt like weeping.

Tonight's post brought to you by: Season Premieres

2007-09-27T22:57:00.000-04:00

I eagerly anticipated this evening, for tonight marked the season premieres of my two favorite shows: The Office and Grey's Anatomy.

The Office was, of course, wonderful. The plot centered around Michael's bumbling managerial and driving style (Rabies, anyone?) and the are-they-or-aren't-they-finally-hooking-up Pam and Jim romance (they are!)

And then there was Grey's Anatomy. The best part of the episode was the last minute, in which George declared that he is in love with Izzy. Oh, and the previews. If this had been the first-ever episode of Grey's Anatomy, I wouldn't tune in next week.

Oh, and did anyone else notice that they discussed Dr. Burke's departure from Seattle Grace, but never once did they mention Addison's? And she has a spin off on the same network!

Ugh.

Going to my BFF Leia's for the weekend.... have a good one, peeps.

Rotten meat closes I-471

2007-09-26T17:18:00.000-04:00

I received a breaking news alert from Cincinnati.com this afternoon with the following headline: Rotten meat closes I-471. The opening line of the email? "A truck carrying scrap meat crashed on I-471 this morning, strewing a disgusting mess over the highway and causing a huge traffic jam."

While the outcome could have been much worse, it wasn't. Read the full story and tell me it is not the most hilarious story ever... and be sure to check out the picture gallery!

Rachael Ray - love her or hate her?

2007-09-24T21:21:00.000-04:00

When it comes to Rachael Ray, people either love her or hate her. Maybe it's the cutesy phrases she throws around as freely as salt and pepper (EVOO, anyone?) or maybe it is her constant optimism; but something about her really bugs me. At the same time, she makes good food and she's really up-front about the fact that she isn't a classically trained chef. That, I really like about her.

Thoughts?

Social experiment

2007-09-13T19:44:00.001-04:00

Last summer, fellow blogger Nerdine performed a little social experiment that I would like to copy. She volunteered to send a postcard to anyone in the world who wanted one... real mail from Norway!!! While she admittedly had more blogger friends than I have (and, let's be honest, will probably ever have!), I have decided to follow her lead.

While it may not be as exciting a locale as Norway, anyone who wants a little square of Ohio can feel free to email me their mailing address and I will send them a postcard, posthaste. So what do you say? Want to be pen pals?

Photos for your consideration

2007-09-12T17:43:00.001-04:00

From ThinkorThwim.com:

During World War II the Army Corps of Engineers needed to hide the Lockheed Burbank Aircraft Plant to protect it from a Japanese air attack. They covered it with camouflage netting and trompe l’oeil to make it look like a rural subdivision from the air. Man, the shit they think up!

Before:

After:

Comeback?

2007-09-09T21:04:00.000-04:00

The much-touted comeback of Britney Spears fell a little flat during this evening's MTV Video Music Awards show in Las Vegas. Although I like the song (Gimme More, check it here...) I won't be lining up to buy tickets to her next concert. Was it just me, or did she seem a little confused and out of it at the beginning? Oh, and did you notice that she didn't even bother to lip-sync the entire song?! She's never been much of a "performer" when it comes to singing live, but she's always been able to fall back on her dancing. But even the dancing seemed half-hearted, like she was dancing in a pool of syrup instead of on a huge, huge stage. And (y'all know I'm a girl and gotta get my catty in...) she was not skinny enough to pull of the hot pants and bikini top. She's got a better body than I do, but not a good enough body to pull that off.

Update: Chris Brown's dance was out of control. Amazing.

Update: Justin Timberlake chided MTV for not showing enough music videos. He accepted his award from Lauren, Audrina and Whitney from "The Hills," an MTV reality show. Does anyone else see the irony in that?

Update: How cute was Miss Teen South Carolina making fun of herself?! Such as...

So, that's where I stand on Britney's big Hollywood comeback. Whew! Glad I got that out.

This post also marks my comeback. A lot has happened in the past few months, and you can chalk it up to a lot of stress at work, dating, life in general and a lack of anything substantial to say. To sum it all up for you, life has sucked lately. So forgive my lack of updating.

Work-wise, things have been beyond sTreSSfuL as I try to decide if this is a company that I really want to work for... and a city that I really want to live in. I have stopped looking forward going to work lately, and I think it has become obvious to the people that I work for that I am starting to just NOT CARE about the work that I do there. BAD LAUREN!

Dating-wise, Potential Boy and I decided to just date one another, but then the initial attraction began to fade as we got past the "getting to know you" phase and got into the "this is who I really am, can you deal with it" phase. The answer, at least for me, was "no." Seeing him started to feel like a chore... when that happens, it is time to split. We would haven't ended eventually anyway, as he wants to move to Seattle.

Life-wise, I have been very close to having a mental breakdown over the past few months. In fact, I've had multiple bouts of stuffy-nosed, red-faced, hysterical, hiccuppy, heaving, out-of-the-blue crying. It brings both myself and my mother back to my freshman year in college when I wanted to come home every weekend, which has basically been the case these last few months. Every time I see my family (and subsequently leave them) I cry most of the way back to Cincinnati. I don't have the friend base here in Cincinnati that I thought I'd have after a year of making a life here. I don't have any family to lean on or grab dinner with when I get down. I just come back to my apartment and feel sorry for myself.

So, my options as I look at the next few months involve everything from staying put and looking for a new job and hoping that it gives me the kick in the pants that I need to improve other areas of my life; looking for a new job in a new town where I do have family (either in back in Dayton or in Columbus, where my littlest bro goes to OSU, my dad works for OSU and my other bro now lives permanently); sticking it out at this current job until my lease is up on my apartment in May of '08 and hoping things improve; or giving it all up and crawling home to lick my wounds. And while I have always been one who enjoys feeling sorry for herself occasionally, it's never for long. I'm not a wallowing-in-self-pity-for-more-than-one-day kinda girl.

And, even though intellectually I know this isn't the case, making the Mary Tyler Moore decision to move to the big city and live the big girl life, only to call it quits a year later seems like such a failure. Like, "good job, you tried hard but you just can't hack it so pack up and go on back home." I know that moving to a new city to start a new job and living on my own for the first time and doing it all without knowing more than two people when moving to said city was a big, risky step that not a lot of people would have taken. But leaving seems like giving up. However, it may just be what I need to do for myself and my mental health.

Oh, and also? My Mr. Big is getting married. Yay.

That's pretty much my story, what's up with you?

Guts

2007-06-03T16:34:00.000-04:00

I was doing my grocery shopping today when I almost literally ran over a very tall, very sexy guy in the grocery store. We both tried to dodge the other, failed, dodged again... you know the drill. Finally he stepped back and I passed him and we sort of smiled and giggled at one another as I rolled on by.

Fast forward a few minutes. I'm standing in the check out lane. The guy rolls in behind me. He starts unloading his cart - 6 boxes of pasta, 3 loaves of bread, 12 cans of frozen juice. He catches me eyeing his purchases and asks why I'm smiling. I ask about the multiple purchases. We exchange a few words about our relative purchases. I pay and exit.

As I'm walking to my car, I decide that if I see him in the parking lot, I'll run over and give him my number. Why the hell not, right? Well, it started to pour and I finally see him, but I'm already in my car and driving away and I'd have to chase him down to give him my number. So I drive away.

But the moral of the story is that I ALMOST had the guts to go up to a total stranger in the grocery store and offer him my number. Which shows a confident side of myself that I have never seen. Turns out this dating lots of boys thing is really working out.

From my window

2007-05-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

(Editor's note: I've noticed that my writing in the past few years has become more about the mundane and less about the creative. Picking up tips from some of the "creatives" out there (who most likely know who they are, or could at least guess), I've decided to try to get back to my more creative roots. Here goes the first of hopefully may practice posts.)

The view from my window is extraordinary.

Farmers' fields roll in the wind, a patchwork of golden-brown squares with the look of toasted bread. The squares are caught at the seam by the sticky black pavement roads and power lines. Occasionally, lakes and ponds interrupt the patchwork, shining like a dime, a nickel, a quarter left too long in the sun. Rivers wind like varicose veins - blue, swollen, throbbing - across the tight-stretched skin of the earth.

Birds chase the shadow of the plane as the brown earth gives way to rolling hills and valleys of green. Trees rise up, making the earth look like a nubby green sweater over the form of a shapely woman.

All I can think is, "This must be what God sees."

Pretty words

2007-05-19T22:02:00.000-04:00

Don't tell me that I'm beautiful. Show me that I'm beautiful.

Vegas, baby! (Part Two)

2007-05-14T00:27:00.000-04:00

I won $2.76 from the penny slots in Vegas. I lost $20 playing War. (Yes, I'm serious!) I didn't play any Texas Hold 'Em because I was admittedly too timid and I was by myself the whole time so I didn't have anyone there to give me false confidence. I will attempt to rectify this situation by dragging SOMEONE with me to Indiana, where they apparently have Vegas-esque casinos somewhere over the border, or maybe on the river.

The trip was good. My room was 27 floors up and looked out over the strip. I could see the Bellagio, Caesars Palace, Planet Hollywood and in the distance, the Palms and the Rio (which is purple and blue and has a big, androgynous Prince symbol on the side.) No, I didn't take any photos. I forgot my camera.

I am going to Chicago next Sunday through Tuesday for another trade show, though, so maybe I will take some photos then. I heart Chicago, it is my favorite city in the world and I'm happy to be going! I have friends there so that will be fun to see them. Plus, the show is a restaurant show, so there will be food in addition to work. Yippee! For lunch, I'll get to just take a little stroll instead of going to a restaurant.

Other than that, nothing much is really going on. I am talking to some guys through Match but nothing has really materialized. The players (both past and present, as per the last official Cingle in the City post):

Miami Boy: Didn't work out. We watched a movie one night and made out. Things could have gone farther, but I didn't want to put out since we haven't really dated all that long. Good thing. He arranged a date with me a month ago and then broke with some excuse (legit or not) about running into a guy from his church that he really wanted to hang out with. I haven't heard from him since. And since he was the one to break the date, he should have to be the one to call, right? Anyway, I'm not all that upset. There are others.

Tommy the Talker: Tommy the Talker has turned into Tommy the Stalker. There are two signs that pointed to trouble. 1) He is a man over the age of 15 who still goes by the name "Tommy" and B) He would Not. Shut. Up. Seriously, the boy could talk for a good 10 minutes with only "uh-huh" and "you don't say" as encouragement. I politely lied and told him I was going to start seeing one person and one person only. He wanted to meet up with me while we were both in Dayton for Easter (random story, but I said no b/c duh, I'm with my friends and family) and has since asked me out twice. I do not return his text messages. If it keeps up, I'm going to have to tell him the real reason that I stopped seeing him.

Double M, aka Mike: God, I love this kid. In the "you're my brother or my best friend" way. Neither one of us was trying to move the relationship forward on any level, and so finally I broke down and said that we should just be friends. He agreed and I think we are actually going to try to be friends. Woo! Seriously, Mike is an awesome guy and I'm really hoping he comes through on this friends thing, because I have a great time with him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.

The Producer: Not sure if I mentioned him, but he is actually a music manager for a rather well known singer and is currently tour managin a rather well known alt-pop band. He's been gone for a month. We get along really well, I happen to love his employer's music and I hope that once he is in town we'll get to see eachother more often.

Potential Boy: For lack of a better nickname, Potential Boy has.... errr... potential. His profile struck me immediately as witty, funny and confident. We've exchanged a few emails. I have high hopes for this one, but I tend to have high hopes for all of the guys who might potentially work out and then I get disappointed when they don't work out. So we'll see.

Audi Guy: Sells Audis. Finishing his degree in Marketing. Seems handsome and down to earth in his profile and emails. We've exchanged numbers and will see how the phone works out. Potential drawbacks: He has a name that I'm not sure I can get behind (it's totally dumb, but I don't like the name Bruce. It conjurs up images of a gym teacher with a porn-stache and short shorts. Don't know why, so don't ask for an explanation.); in addition to the "bad" name, he owns a toy fox terrier. What self-respecting guy owns a miniature dog? Maybe he is secure in his manhood... that could be a good thing for my womanhood if you know what I'm saying.

And finally, Scott: I have no nickname for Scott. We've exchanged lots of emails and a few calls. We have little phone chemistry because he inserts his foot into his mouth regularly and I get annoyed with his inane questions. But his emails are fantastic! So I'm hoping that the bad phone chemistry is just nerves. I think we are going to meet soon, I'll let you know. Regardless, he also seems like a great guy so we'll see what happens.

I should note that I have so many current prospects because my friend Lil Kim at work is also doing the Match.com thing and we've begun to trade notes, and to compare dates to see who we might have in common. I went "wink happy" at her suggestion, so now I'm fully back into the swing of things after several uneventful (and sexless, as we know) weeks.

Okay, that is it from me! I'm headed to bed! Also, I'm taking recommendations for good restaurants in Chicago, though it is home to my favorite, Cafe Ba-ba-reeba! It's a Spanish tapas restaurant and it makes you want to yell "ole!"

Vegas, baby!

2007-05-08T21:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, dear readers, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. Things have been crazy the past three weeks. I was added to two new accounts, bringing the total number of accounts that I am managing 9 - count 'em - 9!!! Unfortunately in the last three-four weeks, I have also had MAJOR projects hitting with some of the accounts that I was already on. So between big projects on my old clients and getting up to speed with my new clients, I've had little time for anything other than work and the occassional date. Even the dating has been few and far between, probably because I have been working 10-11 hour days. Whew!

On the up side, one of the new clients is taking me to Vegas tomorrow for a trade show. Woo hoo! If you've ever worked a trade show, you know how truly unexciting and simultaneously exhausting they are. It's 8 hours on your feet. Ick. Regardless, I am excited to be going to Las Vegas for the first time ever. I am going to play the slots in the airport, because I think it's funny. I have brought a LITTLE bit of cash to spend at the Hold 'Em table but I am too conservative with my money to truly spend a lot. Plus, keep in mind that I am still officially on a money diet since CHRISTMAS and am trying to watch how much money I spend. 'Course, I could hit the big time which wouldn't be better.

The dating front is... dry. I was seeing this guy Mike for a while and he was super nice, but there was no chemistry. We actually talked about it and agreed that we'd be better as friends. I went "wink" happy on Match.com last night and so we'll see if any prospects trickle in through that. Honestly, I think I am going to stop doing it and take the summer off to just have fun around Hyde Park. Loneliness and lack of sex might win out.

Speaking of sex... I need to have some. Not just want, NEED, cannot physically stand another day WITHOUT sex. I haven't done "it" since... let's see... September? D'OH! I need to have hot, sweaty, filthy, raunchy, dirty, only-in-it-for-the-O sex... and soon. Sheesh.

Sorry that this is a boring post, but yes I'm alive and while I haven't been super active on Blogger recently, I've at least been thinking of you.

Century Club

2007-04-05T18:43:00.000-04:00

This is my 100th post. So to celebrate, I thought I would list 100 things about myself to entertain (maybe?) my dear and faithful readers.

Okay, actually, I'm only going to write a list of 50. The first 50 things you'll read actually came from this post.

1) My favorite color is pink
2) I love to get pedicures
3) It grosses me out when milk gets dry and crusty around the lid
4) I like cream in my coffee
5) I stay in my pj's for as long as possible on Sundays
6) I'm a planner
7) I also like to be spontaneous
8) And I like to take risks. Calculated risks. Within reason.
9) When I love, I do so fully and without reservation
10) I'm sometimes tempermental
11) I think porn is funny
12) My favorite t.v. shows are "Grey's Anatomy" and "Gilmore Girls"
13) I like to keep my toenails painted
14) I'm funny
15) I'm only 5' 1" but my license says I'm 5' 2"
16) I'm a good rollerskater, but not a good rollerblader
17) I sliced open my knee when I was 6 but I never got stitches
18) I like to fly
19) I like all kinds of music, from Kanye West to Paul Wall to Kelly Clarkson and the Dixie Chicks
20) I think the best thing a man can do for his woman is respect her
21) I like to cook, and I'm usually pretty good at it
22) I'm really good at playing trivia
23) I like to drink beer
24) I love sushi
25) I was one of two white girls on my cheerleading squad in high school
26) I worry about making other people happy more often than I worry about making myself happy
27) I admire both of my parents
28) I have two younger brothers, 21 and 18
29) My two cars have both been grey
30) I'm attracted to dark-haired guys.
31) I will surprise you by looking as good in a Tshirt and jeans as a fancy dress and 3" heels
32) I look forward to wearing flip flops in the summer
33) I read the paper in the morning
34) I order venti nonfat decaf caramel machiatos from Starbucks, even though I feel a little pretentious doing so
35) I enjoy a Grey Goose vodka tonic
36) I cried when Princess Diana died
37) I love to go to art museums, even if my taste runs towards the predictabe
38) I love so many songs, I would be hard-pressed to pick one as a favorite
39) I remember where I was the first time I saw "The Sound Of Music"
40) When I get a big box of chocolates, I save the cream-filled ones for last because they are my favorites
41) I buy my sneakers in the kids' shoe department
42) I've been on vacation by myself
43) If I could pick anywhere in the world to go on vacation, it would be a beach
44) I like to take naps
45) I fell in love at 16
46) I don't like Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond
47) I am obsessed with watching Friends and Sex and the City reruns
48) I am a shoe fanatic
49) I like flowers on a first date, but think roses are cheesy and predictable
50) I like to make lists
51) My family members are some of my best friends
52) I can crack open an egg with one hand
53) I can't stand anything cinnamon flavored
54) I'm good at Wheel of Fortune
55) My favorite author is Jennifer Weiner
56) I own a dictionary of American slang
57) I love the fact that I'm dating multiple people
58) And at the same time, I'm ready to stop!!
59) All of my candles are vanilla scented
60) I like to hyphenate
61) I am sometimes kind of a klutz
62) I can't eat a lunch item before I eat a breakfast item. Just can't do it.
63) I can recite Psalm 23
64) I hate doing laundry
65) I like to think of myself as a complex woman, but in reality I'm disturbingly simple to understand
66) I talk too much
67) I like to light candles, turn off the lights and the phone, and curl up on the couch by myself
68) I coined the phrase, "I'm not emotional, I'm just sensitive"
69) I can't sew
70) I can be a jealous woman
71) I have won local and regional awards for some of my work projects
72) I have two hanging lanterns and a standing lantern in my apartment
73) I LOVE watching football
74) I'm an active listener, most of the time
75) I stole a lava rock from Maui
76) I like funky jewelry
77) I can be really, ridiculously self-absorbed
78) I like puzzles
79) I hate to be late for anything
80) SOME might call anal
81) I take lemon in my water
82) Tuna is my favorite seafood
83) I love the first snow of the year
84) I inherited my father's body and my mother's looks
85) I was born in Mobile
86) I consider myself to be crafty and creative, but not artistic
87) The Office is now my favorite show on TV (next to Grey's Anatomy)
88) I don't like to dust, but I love to clean
89) I don't like going to the mall just to browse
90) One of my favorite vacation memories is of watching the Stanley Cup in Cape Cod with my mom
91) I love Post-Its
92) If I could have one music "gimme" it would be Eminem; if I could have one film "gimme" it would be George Clooney
93) I like to plan out my menus at the beginning of the week
94) I'm not into the whole "organic" thing
95) I don't save my CD jewel cases very often, unless it is for a CD I really like
96) I never think to order Chinese
97) I make excuses
98) I like "Cheers" type bar
99) I have the best friends in the world
100) I'm thankful

Bullies

2007-03-26T18:52:00.000-04:00

For almost as long as I can remember, I have struggled to fit in. I've always wanted so badly to be a part of the "in" crowd, but it seems that I've always fallen short. I believe that it is that deep desire to be one of "them" that has made me vulnerable to the bullies that dogged me through most of my adolescence.

I was in the 5th grade when my family moved to Dayton from Alabama in the middle of the school year. The social networks in our tiny, 16-person class had already been established. With such a small class, there really wasn't a lot of room to move around in the social stratosphere. If you were popular, you were popular. If you weren't, you simply existed.

The queen bee of the 5th grade was a girl named Kelly. I'm not sure what made her so magnetic, but people flocked to her. Maybe it was her powers of manipulation, and no one wanted to piss her off so they did whatever they could do to keep her happy. But regardless of what made her popular, we somehow became friends. I felt so lucky; here I was, new to town and already I had a friend and she was the most popular girl in the class.

A few months before the end of the year - I remember that it was spring, and that it was sunny - Kelly, our friend Teresa and I were crammed into the bench of our school bus, being transported from our tiny Catholic school to the public school, where we would mesh with the public school kids for the short ride to our respective neighborhoods. Teresa was against the window. Kelly was in the middle. I was painfully relegated to the aisle, my heavy book bag still on my back, struggling to balance against the sway and pitch of the bus as we rumbled towards the public middle school.

I kept asking Kelly to move over a little, and she kept refusing. I was half-sitting in the seat, half-hanging in the aisle. So I wiggled into the seat a little more, scooted a little closer to Kelly in the hopes that I'd be able to stabilize myself for the rest of the ride. Bad move.

I sat there, shocked, helpless and confused while Kelly repeatedly hit me over the head with her fist. "Stop scooting over! There's no room for you in the seat!" she kept saying. Her punches pushed me farther into the aisle. By the time I even thought to cover my head, we'd reached our destination and Kelly shoved past me on the way to her next bus.

Thinking that there must be something I could do, I reported Kelly and her actions to the bus driver. But there was nothing she could do except write Kelly up, give her a demerit of sorts. She hadn't seen it... therefore, it hadn't happened.

And so rather than risk further humiliation, I simply let it go. I didn't even tell my mother until years later, when it was too late for her to do anything except cry for the little girl who was too hurt and embarrassed to admit she'd been beaten up at the ripe old age of 10. Surely she would have done something... I suppose knowing that she would is what kept me from saying anything in the first place.

That experience with Kelly marks the start of a long and difficult journey through middle school. As if bad bangs and braces weren't enough, I was often humiliated and made the butt of cruel jokes in order to satisfy the senses of humor of my "friends." I was routinely tricked and made to cry at sleep overs. I was the recipient of more than a few crank phone calls. And that first experience was not the first time that Kelly beat me up. All this, despite my very best efforts to fit in, to MAKE the other girls like me.

Certainly whenever there was a chance to turn the tables and give one of the other girls a taste of their own medicine, I took it. Those chances were few and far between. And it's not like my entire childhood was intolerable. In fact, by the 8th grade, the two other social "rejects" in my class and I had formed our own little happy, unpopular group. We learned to fight back by assuming an air of superiority and indifference. The act was even marginally successful. But a lingering sense of self-doubt and vulnerability still left the door to our self-esteem ever so slightly ajar; and as a result, despite our best efforts, we were still occasionally flattened by the mean girls in our grade.

The cruelty bestowed upon me in my formative social years has never fully left me. To this day, I worry that when I walk into a room of close friends sharing a joke, the joke is at my expense. My friends are all warm, funny, amazing people and I consider myself lucky to have them in my life. But sometimes, I find myself doubting or disbelieving that they would pick me. I immediately turn into that insecure 5th grader.

Luckily, my friends put up with me when I get neurotic and feel unloved.

Regardless of the way those girls treated me, I think I've turned out okay. As for Kelly and her merry gang of marauders... I'm not sure where they've ended up in their lives. A small part of me hopes that their lives are miserable. Concocting all the ways that they might be miserable, however, would take more energy than they are worth.

I suck at life

2007-03-06T23:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, I don't think that I suck at life. But I do suck at updating. Here's where I'm at:

I turn 26 tomorrow. I'm officially closer to 30 than I am to 20. Last year wasn't too crazy of a celebration because I'd just had my surgery a few weeks before and was still in the recovery process. This year, my parents are coming down to eat dinner at a fab Thai restaurant near my house, then I am meeting up with Miami Boy for drinks.

Speaking of Miami Boy, being Cingle in the City is fun. I also have a date on Friday with Tommy. I don't have a nickname for him yet, I can't think of one that is appropriate enough. He kind of reminds me of an exboyfriend of mine from college. They are disturbingly alike in both physical features and personality. Spooky. But Tommy seems nice and he took the initiative of setting the first date so let's see what he selects as our dinner destination and then maybe a nickname will divine itself from there. I'm also supposed to have a date with a guy I've nicknamed Double M because his first and last name both start with the letter "M". Lame, I know. Anyway, I have been a HUGE slacker about calling him and I'm not really sure why because all signs point to "Yes" with him. Eh.

In other news, I have started the count down to the following milestones:

1) The end of my car lease. Yes, the Gray Ghost 2.0 is going they way of the original Gray Ghost when I turn it in later this month. It was the first car that I bought new, and was the first car that I bought myself. So it is kind of sad to see it go away, but I'm excited about getting another new car. I'm looking at the '07 Accord and also the '07 Corolla or Camry. I would LOVE a new car, but everything is just so expensive! I don't know how I lucked out getting the car payment I did for my Civic, but those payments are NOWHERE to be found.

2) The end of my apartment lease. My landlord - painfully loud and inconsiderate as he may be, sometimes - is going to give me a couple of different options. My rent is going to go up by "$50 at most" but I won't hold my breath until I see the final offer.

3) The one-year anniversary of my employment in Cincinnati. Where I am guaranteed a raise. I hope it is a healthy one, since I am going to have to find at LEAST an extra $100 a month to pay for the car I want and my apartment, unless I want to move apartments and I really don't think I want the hassle. Plus, I loooooove the location and I looooove my place and if I stay here another year then I can finally have a reason to paint the bathroom and decorate my bedroom a little better and MAYBE even buy a painting for my living room. See, I'm just getting settled!

In other news, I went to a Borat DVD viewing party at a friend of a friend of a friend's house who is also the friend of another friend. Wow! Basically, this guy Andre is friends with my friend Megan's friend Jenny. Jenny and Megan knew him in high school. Andre also knew my friend Libby in high school and recognized me from a party that both he and I attended at Libby's house in high school. As it turns out, we also both went to the same college (Yay! Miami!) and he only lives two blocks away now. Random, right? It's a whole six-degrees of separation thing.

And finally, one quick observation before I head off to bed: I am in a really good place in my life. I love my job, I have great friends and an amazing family. I'm Little Miss Date Girl lately and things have just sort of fallen into place. And while I might not have the PERFECT life, I have made something for myself that I am proud of and that, sometimes, others envy. I'm content. And that's a pretty good way to be, now that I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20.

PS (I promise this is the last thing): I am going to get better at writing posts. I am going to write entries. I am NOT going to use this as my personal "let me catch you up on my life and what is going on with me" diary all the time, the way I have been doing the past few months. I'm going to write "real" posts and when I can't think of anything witty, insightful or charming to say, then I'll babble about my life. Though Cingle in the City updates are sure to continue.

Another Valentine's Day Tribute

2007-02-14T18:19:00.000-05:00

Here it is, folks... a revised edition of the Valentine's Day post I did last year, with some tweaks and modifications for 2007. Whether you are single or attached, enjoy this day as a day to tell someone that you love them... and, drink lots of wine.

Valentine's Day. The day to show that "someone special" just how much you care. Valentine's Day. Otherwise known as: The day that single people everywhere surrender to being Alone.

Ah yes, the most loving of holidays. The proliferation of hearts, flowers, candlelight, jewelry, chocolate and sappy Hallmark cards. Innocent symbols of love? Or indications that the Apocolypse is upon us? Either way, on Valentine's Day, couples exchange these love symbols with fervor of epic proportions...thus reminding single people that they aren't just single anymore. They are Alone.

The historical roots of Valentine's Day and its patron Saint Valentine are wide and varied. Though its hard to say how accurate many of these tales are (I found at least three, just on the History Channel website), it is safe to say that Saint Valentine was a martyr. Like as in, murdered for whatever Christian cause he was supporting. Dead guy as the patron saint of the lover's holiday? Not very romantic.

Remember back in Kindergarten, when the valentine's exchanged were of the cherry lollipop and Care Bear variety? Ah, the innocence of childhood, so quickly forgotten.

By the time I'd reached high school, I'd succumbed to the over-commercialization of a holiday dedicated to showing the ones you love that you care. I bought into the credo that to show someone that you cared was to heap upon them lots of gifts, cards, candies and flowers. I quite literally bought into that, vis-a-vis the carnation sale where my friend Allison and I would "anonymously" send each other secret admirer carnations; after all, to not receive a secret admirer carnation was to experience a form of social leprosy that no highschool kid in their right mind wants to experience.

The thought that always crossed my mind, and continues to do so, is this: Shouldn't the people we love already know we love them? Do we really need a holiday to remind them?

Hallmark, Russell Stover and the Sierra Lione diamond society would have you believe differently. They push cards, candy and jewelry on us at overwhelming speed (and prices). The effect of all this "love" making? Single people who feel Alone.

Sure, I get an envious pinch around my heart when I see a couple so obviously in love. But I'm content with being single. I like where I'm at with myself. Being single isn't so bad. Being Alone, on the other hand, is. Having been single - and at times, Alone - for the majority Valentine's Days celebrated in my lifetime, I've devised lots of ways to get through V-Day unscathed. So I present for your reading enjoyment: The single person's guide to surviving Valentine's Day Alone.

1) Buy yourself flowers. Shamelessly. March right into that store, hold your head high and pick out a nice mixed bouquet. Or go to that guy on the end of the exit ramp to Main Street in North Dayton (you know, by the BP station?). $7 will get you half a dozen roses - a steal! No, really, a steal - I'm pretty sure he gets them off the back of someone else's delivery truck, if you know what I mean. But you don't care! You're confident enough to buy yourself flowers and find joy in your fabulous single self.

2) Buy a big box of chocolates. To share. Yes, with others! Resist the temptation to eat the whole box yourself - if you do, you'll just feel fat afterwards. Fat and Alone on Valentine's Day? Not a good combination. If you share like your mother taught you, people will be stopping by your desk/cube/office/counter all day to praise your thoughtfulness (and good taste). Cupcakes also work. Or one of those fab cookie bouquets.

3) Call in sick. Claim a 24-hour virus, or something gross and obscure like scarlet fever. Call early in the morning, because that just-got-out-of-bed, haven't-spoken-to-another-soul-or-had-coffee-yet husky voice is convincing. Then go back to sleep. Stay in your pjs all day. Okay, yes, TECHNICALLY this one could be called "Wallowing in Self Pity". You could also refer to it as "Treating Yourself Well." Going to the spa helps, too.

4) Call up your single friends and have a party. Have dinner. Exchange cherry lollipops and Care Bear valentines and share your war...er...past Valentine's Day stories. Get rip-roaring drunk. Call in to work sick the next day and pretend it is because you had too much sex with your significant other to disguise the hangover that you'll be nursing all day.

5) Hang out with your family, if you can. Call your mom. Or brother. Sister. Aunt. Someone who makes you feel loved every time you talk to them. Feeling love is the best medicine against feeling Alone.

Be well, my fellow singletons, and Happy Valentine's Day. Here's to being single...but not Alone.

I am remiss in my updating duties

2007-02-11T08:52:00.000-05:00

I realize that I suck at updating lately. It is just that I have been so busy that all I manage to do when I'm at home is sleep, or watch a little TV then sleep. So here is a quick "Cingle in the City" update:

Short Guy - After four very successful dates, Short Guy and I had a conversation a few weeks ago about our joint hesitancy to be in relationships sometimes. He expressed to me that he is like Brian from the TV show, "What About Brian" - that he will see something that is "wrong" with a girl, focus on it and eventually use it as a reason not to date her. So a few days after that conversation, I received a lame, "It's not you, it's me" email from him about how he thinks that he isn't ready to be in a relationship yet, and that is is not only afraid he will hurt me because he will flake out, but also afraid that I will hurt him because I'm not ready to be in a relationship either. Hello?! I'm on Match.com for goodness sake - I think that indicates my willingness to be in a relationship!!

So I graciously responded that I understood his reasons and would respect them, even though I think the whole situation kind of sucks because I actually really like him. Then I followed up with a drunk dial last weekend asking, "But what's wrong with me?!" ARGH! He actually then emailed me back with a "Nothing is wrong with you, I actually really like you which is why I don't want to be with you, because I know I'll hurt you" email. To which I have not responded, and will not respond to. I've also taken him out of my phone book so that I cannot irresponsibly drunk dial his tiny ass, which I was actually starting to like. Whatever.

Miami Boy - Miami Boy went out of town the weekend after our first date. Then I was out of town the following weekend. Then he was out of town last weekend. This weekend he was in town, but we have been trading voicemails for the last three days. In fact, we have been trading voicemails for the past two weeks. Everytime he asks me out, I have plans and vice-versa. I'm hoping that next week (which isn't busy for me, compared to the last few) we will finally be able to get back together. He smells nice. And is also very hot.

Boston - Boston is a guy that I have recently started talking to. We have spoken on the phone a few times, but he is really shy so it has been hard to get to know him. I think he is better through email, when he has time to think about questions and formulate responses. We'll see.

So that is kind of it for me on the guy front. I have not been keeping up with Match that much because I have been crazy at work and all this other stuff has been going on, but I think I'm going to use today and tomorrow to dig out of the winks and emails that are sitting in my inbox, waiting to receive responses. I'll let you know if there are any candidates.

By the way, it is worth noting that this coming Wednesday is Valentine's Day. This date is important to me for three reasons: 1) Last year, I wrote one of my (in my opinion) best and most favorite posts EVER for Valentine's Day, which I am planning to update for this year. 2) One year ago Wednesday, I underwent a life-changing surgical procedure, also known as a breast reduction, which was the best decision I ever made. My new boobs and I will celebrate this year. I should probably address that in a post this week, too. 3) I am going to see "Breaking Benjamin" with my brother, as a Valentine's Day present to myself. And him, who is too broke to afford tickets.

Also next week I am going to try to have dinner with a friend of mine from college, Julia B., whom I haven't seen since probably Junior year at Miami. She and I ran into each other at a happy hour event on Friday and ended up hanging out all night. She was always a blast in college, but we grew apart because we didn't have the same group of friends, didn't live near each other and all those other lame excuses that you can come up with for growing apart from someone. She is one of those people that I say, "I'm going to call you" and actually mean it. Yay for connecting with old friends!

Speaking of which, my friend Laurel is moving to Cincinnati this summer, which I am very excited about. She was my next door neighbor Freshman year, and we lived together in the same corridor Sophomore year and in the same apartment Junior year. We also grew apart Senior year when I lived with new people and, admittedly, stopped talking to a lot of my "original" friends. I stopped talking to most of them because our EVIL former roommate, "She who shall not be named", was a looney who someone managed to bust up an entire group of friends at will, then graduate with no friends of her own. It is unfortunate that we let such a shallow and meaningless person come between us, but I'm hoping to rectify the situation when Laurel does move down here.

Also, I am going to call my friend Corey from college, who lives in Cincinnati and also lived in our corridor Freshman and Sophomore year. I have been meaning to do it since I moved down here, and since I'm currently in the spirit of connecting with old friends, I am going to try giving her a call to hang out, too.

So maybe next week will be busy after all. :)

Cingle in the City - Dating Diary

2007-01-21T18:59:00.000-05:00

Sunday, January 7, 2007: Went out with teacher guy today. He was cute, but there was something missing. It ended with a "talk to you soon." Then two days later, I get an email from him saying that he has several dates that week and that he'll "get back to me." Seriously?! I'm telling you people, I am not un-dateable. Whatever. Haven't spoken to him since.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007: "Full of Himself Guy", who later became known as "Douchebag Lee", called to make sure we are still on for drinks tonight. Realizing that I was dreading meeting him, I did what any normal person would do. I cancelled. Actually, I told him that I had met someone else and wanted to see where it took me. So I cancelled and I lied. Oh well. He asked me to rate his looks on a scale of 1 to 10 based soley on a grainy picture of him in a suit from the profile that I viewed once. Who does that?! NEXT!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007: Today was my first date with "Short Guy". He suggested meeting a wine bar near my house. He likes wine! And not the crummy pink stuff out of a box, either - real wine!!! Dinner was great, as was coffee immediately after. He kissed me. It was awesome. However, I wore a conservative pair of heels and I was almost as tall as him. Sigh.

Sunday, January 14, 2007: Went out with "The Doctor", a guy I have been talking to online for a few weeks now. We had coffee and conversation for three hours. THREE HOURS! I was a little hoarse afterwards. He asked me immediately out to dinner for that night, but I already had dinner plans (with some fresh shrimp that I had bought the day before). We agreed to meet up on Wednesday for dinner.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007: Another date with "Short Guy"! This time, we went to a little holte-in-the-wall bar down on the river, overlooking the Ohio shoreline. You know the type of place, I'm talking about - blue smoke drifting from the cigarettes of the regulars hanging in the air like a veil. Conversation was good again. So was the beer.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007: I haven't heard from "The Doctor", so I thought I would give him a call. Got his voicemail. Left a message asking if we are still on for dinner tonight. Never heard back from him. Something doesn't add up. Also, the number he gave me is a Florida area code, but he claims to have lived in Cleveland before moving to Cincinnati. Hmm.

Thursday, January 18, 2007: "Miami Boy", a guy who went to school at my alma mater (Miami University) and who seems really familiar to me, asks me out for a drink on Friday evening. Unfortunately, I already have plans. We play phone tag before leaving messages for one another as to which day next week will work for our schedules.

Friday, January 19, 2007: Date #3 with "Short Guy". This time, I take him out to a steak dinner. I manage public relations for a high-end steak chain in Cincinnati, so I took him there. As a result, we get the VIP treatment and I look like a rockstar. Plus, most of our meal is comp'ed. Niiiice.

Saturday, January 20, 2007: I got two back-to-back calls from "The Doctor" today. On the second call, he left a message as follows: "Hi Lauren, it's NAME CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT. We haven't talked in a while, I thought I'd give you a call and see what you're up to. Maybe we can get together soon." Okay, wait... we had a date planned and you stood me up. Now you're calling me like nothing happened. Are you insane? What's wrong with this picture? We'll see about that.

And so there we are. I am still active on Match.com, but I feel like between "Short Guy" and "Miami Guy" (please, God, let there be chemistry between us because he is AWESOME on paper!) I've got a pretty good thing going. Strangely, the more dates I go on, the less and less I want a boyfriend. I find that I like being single. I like dating. I like the thrill of meeting someone for the first time and seeing what happens.

Happy dating to you all!

Cingle in the City

2007-01-07T14:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it is finally time for some details on this little Cingle in the City project that I have been working on. For the past month, I have been using Match.com to connect me with local Cincinnati singles. Now, I have to admit that prior to joining an online dating site myself, I felt like online dating was fine for some people, but not for me. It seemed like a last resort. I am now officially eating those words - online dating is not for "desperate" or "last resort" people. It is a for people who just genuinely want to meet others but don't necessarily have the opportunity to meet them in traditional ways, or who are tired of meeting people in crowded bars and clubs.

I was inspired to join an online dating site when a friend of mine - an attractive, smart, great friend of mine - met her current boyfriend online. She was going on dates 3 or 4 times a week before meeting this particular boy. She convinced me it would be worth a shot.

Here are the past and current contenders, with names changed to protect the innocent:

"Young Boy": Young Boy is a year (or was it two?) younger than me and a student at UC. From his pictures and emails, he seemed really cool. We met for coffee a few weeks ago after exchanging a couple dozen emails, IMs and phone calls. Although he was a cutie, we had no chemistry. We both walked away knowing we wouldn't be seeing eachother again.

"Old Guy": Old Guy is on the older end of the age spectrum that I put down in my match criteria. Okay, so he's 30, which isn't even old. He was cute and funny in his emails and great to talk to on the phone. We met for lunch before Christmas and had a nice lunch... good conversation and not a lot of awkwardness. However, he wanted me to come over to his house like two days after we first met and when I said I wasn't comfortable doing that, he stopped talking to me. Whatever. Not worth it.

"Teacher guy": Teacher guy is someone I'm actually meeting for coffee today. Based on his profile and the emails we have exchanged, he is a 100% match for me in every way possible. Teacher Guy is a teacher (duh) in inner city Cincinnati. He loves the arts, music, books and many other things that I also enjoy. We'll see what happens when I meet him in person, but my hopes are high!

"Short Guy": Short Guy is a little shorter than I usually date, based on his profile (5'5"). Now granted, he is still taller than me in heels. His emails have been great and we are definitely on the same wave length. He has a great heart and a great sense of humor, which really shines through in his emails. Plus, he enjoys cultural things like the symphony and art museums, but he is also a guy's guy. I'm so excited about this one! We are going to try to meet this week.

"The Big Sneeze": The Big Sneeze is someone who'd I'd be interested in if he reciprocates my interest. With Match.com, you can "wink" at someone to show that you are interested and then if they respond in kind, you start exchanging emails, etc. I winked at The Big Sneeze (this code name is based on his username...) a couple of days ago, but I haven't heard back from him. So we'll see.

"Full Of Himself Guy": Full of Himself Guy and I are supposed to have a drink tomorrow, but the Ohio State/Florida game is tomorrow and I don't want to miss any of it so I think I am going to try to reschedule. Full of Himself Guy makes tool-ish comments like "How would you rate my looks on a scale of 1 to 10", "I have a pretty nice apartment, so I wanted to show it off..." and giving me every gory detail of his dates with other girls. Hello?! Dating 101, dude: Do not share the details of your dates with a girl who you are also trying to date. I already screen his calls and get annoyed when I talk to him on the phone, but I think it is worth seeing him in person before I decide that it won't work out.

In addition to these guys, I have met a lot of other men online - doctors, engineers, biomedical researchers, lawyers, etc. - who are well-balanced, successful, nice guys and who have a lot to offer a girl. It has been an interesting experiment and now that I have finally opened myself up to the full process, I'm having a lot of fun with it. I'll keep all of my cyber friends as up-to-date as I can as I enjoy my adventures as a Cingle in the City. But it has taken up an amazing amount of time, and since I'm also busy with other aspects of my life, updating this blog has been a little challenging. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to get back into Blogger, so have patience!

I don't have anything to say

2006-12-04T23:06:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything recently. I've been checking in on everyone else's blogs pretty regularly, but not really keeping up on my own.

I've been really, really stressed at work - my client list more than doubled when a coworker of mine resigned, so I've been pretty busy there. It's leaving me physically, emotionally and creatively drained at the end of the day, to the point where I've been waking up in the middle of the night due to nightmares about work.

Add to that the fact that I've been really busy in my personal life with a new little side project that I'm sure I'l chronicle here at some point. It's called CINgle in the City (CIN for Cincinnati, since that's the city where I'm single. Ha ha.) and the "research" has been taking up a lot of the time that I might otherwise spend writing witty, thought-provoking, entertaining posts.

So between being abnormally busy at work and in my personal life - and feeling like I have nothing to actually "say" anymore - I'm going to post here less often. Hopefully after the holidays my life will resume its equilibrium and I can fill you all in.

OH - IO

2006-11-18T15:29:00.000-05:00

"Doing God's Work"

2006-11-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

Read this article from USA Today. It's sweet and sad, and the protagonist is a seemingly good guy who wants to right a wrong. Until you get to the last sentence.... which reveals him as one of the tackiest people on earth.

It's the great pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

2006-10-31T17:57:00.000-05:00

This is the first year that I have had my own place at Halloween. It is the first year I will get my own trick-or-treaters. So to celebrate, I carved these pumpkins... they may not be the best, but they are all mine.

BOO!

525,600 minutes

2006-10-27T16:59:00.000-04:00

How do you measure a year? That is what Dawn's post made me think of. So here is where I was a year ago... sort of. I thought this post was better than the one closest to today's date, so that that is why I posted it.

What's up with me stealing everyone else's posts lately? Me being lazy and non-creative and uninteresting, perhaps?

Thank you, Rachel

2006-10-25T00:16:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep.... so I have Rachel to thank for giving me something to do until the non-tiredness wears off:

1. My uncle more than once: has been to Europe by himself.

2. Never in my life have I: willingly watched a full episode of "Seinfeld".

3. The one person who can drive me nuts: myself... and my mother.

4. College is: pretty fun, if you have a fantastic group of friends.

5. When I'm nervous: sweat and get all adrenaline-y.

6. The last time I cried was: during "Grey's Anatomy" last week.

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Also really confused. By name, they would be Leia, Becca, Julia and Lori. Oh, and my brothers.

8. My hair: is in a weird growing out stage where all it wants to do is leave my head looking like a triangle. Not. Cute.

9. When I was 5: I was in Kindergarten.

10. Last Christmas: my Nana came to visit.

11. When I turn my head left, I see: a very full bookshelf that needs a partner.

12. When I turn my head right: a butterfly chair that I've had since college and would like to replace!

13. When I look down I see: (groaning b/c I'm so lame...) flannel pajamas with stars on them, a huge snuggly bathrobe and slippers.

14. The craziest recent event was: my friend Angela's bachelorette party. Or so I'm told.

15. If I was a character on Scrubs I'd be: J.D.

16. By this time next year: I don't know what will be going on. I'm trying to get through this year.

17. My favorite Aunt is: Kathy (on my mom's side) or Katie (on my dad's side).

18. I have a hard time understanding: people who are intentionally and knowingly cruel to others.

19. One time at a family gathering: I saw my Aunt Mary's boobs.

20. You know I like you if: I give you the "You're an idiot" look.

21. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank: My parents.

22. Take my advice: The things that scare you the most generally tend to be the things that teach you the most.

23. My ideal breakfast is: Pancakes or French Toast; hash browns; eggs (scrambled, with cheese); crisp bacon. Also known as the Pancake Combo from IHOP.

24. If you visit my hometown: Where I was born, you will see pecan groves, beaches and old plantations (Mobile, AL.) Where I grew up, you will see an airport.

25. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: I will be in Michigan in two weeks (!!!), and hopefully in Dallas over New Year's Eve.

26. If you spend the night at my house: You will be sleeping on the couch.

27. The world could do without: Spiders.

28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: I will have to echo Rachel on this one: Eat the cockroach.

29. Most recent thing you've bought yourself? A really fantastic pair of strappy, 4-inch stilleto sandals. On sale.

30. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: My mom bought me an electric beater.

31. My favorite blonde friend is: Leia (Leia, can you be counted as a blonde?) If not Leia, then probably my friend Susan from work.

32. My favorite brunette / black hair friend is: Becca.

33. The last time I was high: I was also in Maui.

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: Rhino-saurus-es (right, Julia?)

35. I should have been: Born in February.

36. Once, at a restaurant: I found a bug in my salad and they comped the meal for the entire table.

37. Last night: I was cranky.

38. A better name for myself would be: Carrie Bradshaw.

39. If I ever go back to school: I will go to law school.

40. My birthday: This year will put me closer to 30 than to 20.

41. And by the way: I'm still not tired.

Don't you hate it when...

2006-10-23T22:50:00.000-04:00

... you're in a hurry and you hit every red light possible?
... you need to sleep, but your body and mind won't turn off?
... people brake check you?
... you get the motivation to finally do something - quit, succeed, celebrate, whatever - and there's no one to help you along?

I have had a headache for about four days that I can't seem to shake. It's been creeping up into my skull every night. And I'm getting sick.

I haven't complained in a while, I needed to vent.

A Study of Contrasts(?)

2006-10-16T22:39:00.000-04:00

They were a study of contrasts, two vastly different women in the grocery store on a Friday night.

One was older. Her graying hair was pulled back in a long, loose ponytail. She wore festive autumn stocks with Birkenstock sandals. Her pleated navy pants and shapeless, heavily patterned sweater bespoke woman who no longer had the body of a woman half her age. Her basket contained little - a package of strawberries, a half gallon of milk, several cans of cat food.

The other woman was younger. Her hair was cropped short in a stylish bob and was ruthlessly straightened. She wore 3 inch stilleto pumps, fitted tweed pants and a colorful trench coat. She separated her groceries - a 6-pack of light beer and a ripe, round lime - from the woman in front of her.

The two women exchanged the cursory, polite glances of strangers in a grocery store. Then the older of the pair turned to the younger... as is she'd felt the younger woman's curious and pitying stare on the back of her head.

"I was like you, once," the wolder woman said. "I was young and stylish. I wasn't always the woman who bought cat food on a Friday night.

"When I was your age," the older woman continued, "I didn't think that my life would turn out like this. I thought that when I was 50, I would have had it all: The career, the husband, the kids. The white picket fence. I never would have pictured myself as you must see me now, a lonely woman with only a couple of cats to keep her company."

"So what happened?" the younger woman asked as the older woman turned back to hand her money to the cashier.

"Life doesn't happen the way that you plan it," the older woman said with a wry and wistful smile. "What I didn't know at your age is that none of the plans I made really mattered, except for my happiness. True, I may not live the life that I had pictured for myself 25 years ago... or the life that you must imagine for yourself. But that doesn't mean that I don't life a fulfilled life."

The older woman picked up her bag and took her change from the cashier. With a kind smile, she walked into the night.

I don't want to be Scarlett O'Hara

2006-10-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

Scarlett O'Hara and I have a lot in common:

We are both independent, self-sufficient women
We're used to getting our way - either because we've worked hard to get it, or because people do things for us
We both pout when we don't get our way
We're stubborn, and we're proud
We both have brown hair

Okay, well the last little bullet was a cop out. And while the characteristics that we share may not necessarily be the most flattering, whenever I watch the movie "Gone with the Wind" I notice similarities between myself and this fantastic Southern Belle. I identify with her. Granted, I'm not always pleased by that fact: After all, for all of the entertainment Scarlett O'Hara provided, she was kind of a bitch.

Not only was she kind of a bitch, she was the kind of woman who let herself obsess over one man - Ashley - while rejecting, ignoring and insulting the love of a more perfect match. She let herself be caught up in the fantasy of one man, and couldn't see past him to realize that the man she married, Rhett Butler, was actually the perfect match.

And when she finally put aside her foolishness, stubbonness and pride, she realized she loved him with all her heart... but he was already gone.

I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to want one man for the rest of my life only to realize too late that I don't truly love him or want to be with him. I don't want to be so proud that I can't admit when I'm hurt - or worse yet, so proud that I don't accept help when it is given. And I don't want to be so fearful of being hurt that I don't allow myself to fall in love, even when it continues to happen.

I don't want to be Scarlett O'Hara. And despite our similarities, I'm not.

Lazy Fridays

2006-09-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

Friday afternoons are the best. I start my “end of the day” countdown right after lunch. I spend my afternoon cleaning up my office, planning out my work schedule for the next week and assigning projects to my company’s intern.

The best part of Friday is “beer Friday” – when the whole office stops what they are doing to grab a brew from the fridge and hang out in on the big comfy couches and chairs in our office’s little lounge area. It’s a time when we put aside our differences and our work and just enjoy a little social time.

We haven’t had “beer Friday” for a couple of weeks now. I have to admit, I really miss that time.

This weekend I’m in Cleveland visiting my friends from college. It’s my friend Angela’s wedding shower and joint bachelor/bachelorette party with her fiancé. They are great friends of mine and I can’t wait for this weekend to hurry up and get here! Only one more hour, then I’m off!

Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame!

2006-09-11T20:42:00.000-04:00

Those are the only words that I actually learned of the fight song. I didn't catch on as quickly as you might expect. The weekend was very, very fun and I'm so glad that I went. It was not nearly as drunken as I thought it would be, but I suppose that is good because it means that I remember more of why it was so fun in the first place.

Friday night I got into South Bend around 11:00 after stopping at home in Dayton to pick up my Dad's car, which he kindly lent me for the weekend so that I could save my car the mileage (I have a lease and I'm getting reeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyyy close on my allowed miles). I went straight to this guy Kyle's house where I met up with Lori and Matt/Grecco.

I was standing on the back porch after having just met the three or four people there and was admiring the little pug dog peeking out through the screen door when an energetic guy jumps down behind the dog and pretended to hump it. Noticing me, his face slowly drained of color, his eyes widened and he said, "Oh, um, hello. I don't know you."

And that is how I met my groomsman and future husband.

John is the one I'm paired with in Lori and Grecco's wedding next year because we're both short and because they thought John and I would would just be a good, fun match. Turns out, we totally are. His personality and sense of humor complements mine perfectly. I do not remember another person who has made me laugh so much or so hard in one weekend. Too bad he lives in Lake Tahoe.

Anyway, we went from Kyle's house out to downtown South Bend to check the bar scene. It was INSANE. As we were driving around trying to decide whether to stop and go into one of the bars or just go home, I suggested that we all buy 40s and sit on the curb and watch all of the people go by. This suggestion led to proposal #1 by John. The proposals continued all weekend, by the way, leading to the joke that he is my future husband.

We ended up going to a bar for a little bit and then heading home because we had a big day of tailgating ahead of us. To get the party started right, Grecco woke Lori and I up at 7:30 on Saturday morning and we got all ready to go down to the game.

There weren't that many people when we got there, I guess maybe only 100-150 cars. Of course, to me that was a lot. I didn't go to a college where football was a big, popular thing to do on the weekends, so tailgating is totally foreign to me!

We had a little breakfast and then Grecco and Lori took me on a campus tour. The following photos were taken of the administration building. You can go up onto the second floor and look all the way up to the rotunda, which has this great fresco painted onto it. It's beautiful and my photography doesn't do it justice.

Following the campus tour, we went back to the tailgate and started drinking. Eventually we met up with another group of Lori and Grecco's friends at the "recent alumni" part of the tailgate. Oh. My. God. I have never seen anything like it. Tens of thousands of people drinking, partying, shotgunning beers, blasting music. A total party scene. That's where the following two photos were taken. That's me and Lori on the left and John and I on the right.

The game, if any of you saw it, was a total blow out. A 41-17 win against Penn State. We were sitting one section and about 45 rows up from the goal line where all of the scoring took place. Here are a couple of pictures of the stadium - that's Touchdown Jesus in the distance in the second picture, which was taken before everyone got there - taken from my seats, as well as of Lori and I again and the scoreboard. Oh, and the most beautiful Billy Ray Cyrus mullet I've ever seen.

After the game, we all went back to Grecco's house and pretty much crashed. Then on Sunday we had brunch with the wedding party, or at least the party that was there. Grecco's mom made a ton of food and everything was delicious. But it was all over too soon! And now it is back to the real world!!

Anyway, that was my super fun weekend in South Bend. I'm a total Notre Dame fan now and have a crush on a guy nicknamed Hog, so you know the weekend must have been a winner!

Fighting Irish

2006-09-08T16:54:00.000-04:00

I'm going to South Bend this weekend, and I'm really excited. Not only because I have tickets for the Notre Dame/Penn State game on Saturday, but also because I get to see my friends Lori and Matt. Lori and Matt recently became engaged and live all the way out in Washington, D.C. so I never get to see them.

I expect that I will be drunk for the majority of the weekend, and much hilarity shall ensue. Maybe I'll take some photos?

Also, I wrote a "deep thoughtful" post the other day and just haven't had the time to post it yet. Check back next week for a review of the weekend and the "deep thoughtful" post of the month.

Bad Lauren...

2006-08-31T10:51:00.000-04:00

... has not updated in a while. I fixed the link to the Virtual Book Club over on the right of this page. You can also take a peek at the site (which is now updated, thank you very much) by clicking here. Our next book is "Single Wife" by Nina Soloman. A review is posted on the Virtual Book Club blog.

My Cincinnati 101 class has wrapped up. This week we took a visit to the Skirball Museum at the Hebrew Union College, which is the epicenter of reform Judaism in the United States. Well, it started in Cincinnati, at least. There are also Hebrew Union Colleges in NYC and L.A.

In the rare book room at the college (which smelled deliciously of old books, a smell that any book lover relishes) they have some of the oldest texts ever created. Books that are hundreds, even a thousand years old. They've got one of the oldest Bible's ever created. They've got Chinese texts that date back to teh 1660s. It's amazing.

Although I was hoping to meet a few people through this experience, I was not successful. Actually, I did meet one girl but she didn't show up for either of the last two classes, so she was a bust. It was an interesting class, however, and I learned a lot about Cincinnati. I enjoyed playing tourist in my new city and will probably do so on my own - or at the very least, sign up for Cincinnati 102 if they develop a class for that. Nerdine has started her own version of this class with some friends. I seriously would encourage everyone to do it: It's fun, it gets you out of the house, it's a good learning experience AND you never know what little treasures might turn up.

Life is a Cirque

2006-08-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

I went to a preview performance of Cirque du Soleil's "Quidam" show in Cincinnati last night (free tickets - perk of the job!) and let me just say: It. Was. A.maz.ing.

I do not know much about the story line, frankly, because I didn't bother researching it too much before going to the performance. I have my own theories about the basic plot, but honestly, the plot comes second to the action.

As with any circus, Cirque du Soleil is a flurry of activity. A spotlight highlights the key performer in every scene, but there is always some other performer located on another part of the stage. For example, in a scene where a woman was hanging from the ceiling on a rope, a dancer is in the background doing a series of dizzying pirouettes and another dancer is slinking about the stage like an elephant.

The show is by turns touching, funny and death-defying. The positions that the performers move their bodies into, the strength that it must take to control their bodies. And the sheer flexibility! Oh my gosh! A.maz.ing.

Regarding the Virtual Book Club: Dawn has suggested a new selection since I've been lazy. And the winner is... Single Wife by Nina Solomon. I'll post something on the VBC site later today - I added a link in my menu for all of you who have decided to join us in our little foray into virtual social networking.

Step off, kid!!!!

2006-08-13T22:59:00.000-04:00

My mom came down today for a little visit. We went to lunch and then to the Cincinnati History Museum. As we were walking from the ticket booth to the museum entrance, we we had to walk through a crowd of people.

There was a little boy in the crowd - three, maybe three and a half years old. As I walked toward him, I saw him lock eyes with me. He took a step, firmed up his stance... then took a swing at me with a "pfffou" noise escaping his all-too-innocent looking mouth.

I. Kid. You. Not.

I was accosted by a three year old.

Okay, well not quite accosted. At some point when he was winding up, it crossed my mind exactly what this kid was about to do, so I was able to step out of the way. And then I said, "Hey! Let's not do that!" in my most grown-up and authoritative voice. I believe I even shook a finger at him. (The kid ignored me.)

Now, I ask you: Where were the parents in all this? Because I certainly didn't see any apologetic mothers or fathers rush over as their kid tried to clock me. Nor did I see any concerned mothers or fathers even glance in my direction as I chastised him and went on my way.

As bizarre as it was, my mom and I had quite a laugh over the fact that a three-year-old tried to beat me up. But I'm telling you one thing: That kid better watch out. The next time he takes a swing at me, I'm going to grab his fist and give him a little shake. That'll show him to mess with me.

Personal Growth

2006-08-07T22:41:00.000-04:00

I like to think that I'm someone that I would like if I were meeting myself for the first time.

My criteria for this estimation is simply that I like people who are interesting and who do interesting thigs that not everyone else does.

For me, one of those experiences began today. Today was the first in a series of four classes that I'm taking about... Cincinnati. It's through this program called "Communiversity" - kind of a community continuing education thing sponsored by the University of Cincinnati.

I'm the youngest person in the class, at least based on what I saw today. There were a couple of younger people who walked in a little late. I'm going to scope them out at the next class. The closest in age after them is 40.

But it's something that I'm doing not only to say that I've done it, but because it interests me, gives me something to do on Monday nights and keeps my mind sharp the way "Sex and the City" reruns do not.

Basically, the three remaining classes will meet in a different location and explore a different part of the city of Cincinnati's culture. Our next class meets at the Cincinnati Museum Center for a behind-the-scenes tour of the facility (which houses four museums and a train station) including the train station's control room and the art deco offices and President's boardroom. Pretty cool. You can't get a ticket for that tour.

Our next class will take place at the Hofbrauhaus, one of four officially sanctioned Hofbrauhaus' in the world. We get to eat, drink beer and talk about dining and nightlife in Cincinnati. Incidentally, Cincinnati was recently rated #1 in America for nightlife by Forbes... cool, huh?

Our final class meets at the Skirball Museum at Hebrew Union College. They apparently have this rare book collection that the public almost NEVER gets to see. This includes books where the text is written on wooden or leather pages. With my love of reading and my interest in Jewish mysticism, this is my most anticipated class.

So I'm stretching myself, my boundaries and my comfort zone. It will be worth it just to have the experience.

And it will help make me (or keep me) as a person that I'd like if I were meeting myself for the first time.

Everything looks better after you've taken a deep breath

2006-07-31T10:44:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I've neglected you of late, dear readers. Things have been very crazy for me the past few weeks. In addition to a general melancholy that resulted from the afore-mentioned bitch-fest administered by one of my supervisors at work, I have been incredibly lazy about updated and visiting your blogs. Rest assured that I shall do so as soon as possible - tonight, in all likelihood.

Anyway, things are getting better at work. I met with another supervisor and she was much less critical... and much more understanding of the learning curve that comes along with entering a new workplace. One of the biggest hurdles has been to adjust the way that I have typically done things with the way that my new office does things. But I've started to make that adjustment and as it turns out, all of the "complaints" (i.e. note-taking) were relatively small and easy to hammer out. So, things are good. And I'm a lot busier now, too.

In other random work news, I've decided that I have a big problem with shoes. Read: I have too many. I have been on a personal quest this month to wear a different pair of shoes every day without repeating a pair until I run out. I have just entered my third week. That's 11 different pairs of shoes. I know I can make it through the rest of the week, and probably will be able to make it through part of next week, as well. I know, I know... it's kind of weird, but these are the things I do to make my life more interesting!

Okay - I wanted to just give you a quick update before you wonder if I'm still alive. Thanks for always letting me vent and for your feedback and advice. :)

Tired.... so tired!

2006-07-15T01:15:00.000-04:00

This week left me emotionally drained. Suffice it to say that I think I hate my job and may have made a mistake in moving down to Cincinnati for it. However, I have never been one to shrink away from a challenge; so I shall strive to meet this one head on and succeed.

My frustration lies in feeling like I'm not being well utilized, based on what I know how to do. I feel like I'm given no direction, no expectations. At the same time, I feel like there are certain expectations but no one has taken the time to explain them to me or tell me what I'm supposed to do. So, I end up feeling underutilized, stressed out, bored, inadequate and scared that I'll get fired all at once.

To make matters worse, I was given a memo Wednesday based on my first three months with the company, and told that I needed to improve on the areas listed. Now granted, there was basis for some; i.e. not providing frequent enough updates. But many of the complaints listed in the memo (there were four) can be attributed to the fact that I was in my initial first-three-months learning curve. Regardless, I have never been given a bad evaluation in my life, so this one came as a big blow to my ego, pride, confidence and career.

During the "Come to Jesus" meeting that I then had with my boss to discuss and react to his memo, my boss mentioned that I come to the company at a weird period in its history, because it isn't the best time to learn through the mentoring of some of the senior supervisors. So while on the one hand he tells me he wants to see me succeed (certainly something that I want for myself), on the other hand he tells me he has no time to teach me (which he explicitly said). I'm left wondering which of the mixed messages I should take to heart, and which ones I should discard.

Regardless of its intent, I thought the memo style litany of complaints was a little unprofessional. And my boss is of the self-important type that has to write really formally and make everything sound worse than it is. For example, in a complaint about my note-taking abilities (yes, that was one of the line items with example that he provided!) he said that it was of serious concern and must be addressed and corrected immediately before my six month review. Seriously... is note-taking of such dire concern to you, boss man? These are my notes that I take for my use, and which I then expand upon memo style for my clients when the meeting is over. And with all due respect, I have only been in one meeting with this person, so how would he know whether my note-taking abilities are up to speed or not, based on the one meeting (which I reported on with tremendous accuracy, thank you very much).

Here's my worry: I worry that they held these complaints, regardless of how minor they might appear, and didn't tell me about them when they first became concerns. They held them until I'd been there a while to spring them on me. I'm worried that this same thing will happen at my six month review, at which point the stakes will become a little greater because I'll be in jeopardy of losing a raise or losing my job all together. I'd like a chance to correct mistakes - real or perceived - before they are repeated, and luckily I'm of the sort to make a mistake once and then learn from it (except when it comes to men, then all thoughts of previous mistakes go out the window!). So I don't want them storing up the next three months of complaints; I'd rather we deal with them as we go.

I don't know, I just catch myself not wanting to go into work some days, and catch myself thinking "Wow, I moved down here for this?!" and browsing for new jobs online. Not that I'd ever apply for one now, because I think you need to stay at a job for a year before you truly know whether there is a place for you there. I just wish that period of waiting to see if I'll be a success there would hurry up and be over, so that I can figure out my next move.

Quick Rant

2006-07-06T08:12:00.000-04:00

Notice to Jessice Simpson: You have a great voice. Quit hiding it behind breathless lyrics and '80s beats a la "Holiday" by Madonna.

Look, I may be on "Team Lachey" when it comes to your love life, but I must admit that I liked you a lot back when you let yourself belt out tear-worthy ballads. I'm sorry to say, though, that my enjoyment of your music really started to diminish once you sold out.

So c'mon! I have high hopes for you next single. "Public Affair" just isn't doing it for me. Sorry.

Dear Bitchy Coworker

2006-06-28T12:52:00.000-04:00

What the fuck is your problem?

Love,

Lauren

Hey! CW! Keep Pepper Dennis!

2006-06-28T00:38:00.000-04:00

This is a note to all of you studio guys over at the new CW network: Keep Pepper Dennis in your fall line up.

Outside of Grey's Anatomy, Pepper Dennis is the one TV show that I look forward to every week. But tonight, during the show's weekly broadcast, the promo for next week's episode announced the series finale. What?!

I love the show for many reasons, but most of all because the character of Pepper Dennis is someone that I relate to. Strong, stubborn, willful, clumsy, driven and afraid to be vulnerable in front of others, Pepper Dennis is everything that I am. The show articulates aspects of my life that I know, love, hate, fear and want to change; that's why I enjoy watching it so much.

So please, CW studio bigwigs. Keep Pepper Dennis!

Anatomy of a Mean Girl

2006-06-19T18:08:00.000-04:00

(Decoding Bitchy Girl Behavior: Part III)

The story thus far: Mean girls who act out of jealousy, insecurity and perhaps even a little spite. And now, I look at my own behavior, and dissect it a bit for your reading pleasure.

Keeping in mind Heather's specific behavior, even though I feel a little sorry for her, I still find it difficult to talk to her in public; in fact, I avoid her.

It isn't because I'm afraid that she'll turn on me, or single me out, or talk smack to me - because if she did, I certainly would stand up for myself, as I have done with her in the past (when she got caught talking a lot of shit about me to my boyfriend. Who told me about it. And then she came grovelling. But that is another story for another time.)

I don't just avoid her in social settings. I ignore her. And why do I do this?
a) I just plain old don't like her, which I'm sure she instinctively or quite obviously picks up on
b) I don't want to deal with or get caught up in her drama, and I don't want to be around when she inevitably starts it
c) I don't like the way she treats my friend and I'm afraid I'll snap one day
d) And yes, I'll admit it... part of me hopes she feels left out, as Julia so often does and as I did when I was a more integral part of that group. I want her to know how it feels to be purposefully left out.

And by giving her a taste of her own medicine, I sink to her level. So that makes me a mean girl, right?

See, in my opinion - and not just because I'm talking about myself, here - this is where the line becomes blurred. By ignoring Heather, do I become a person who is supporting her friend, or do I become a mean girl who can't step up and be the bigger person? Do I become a bit of both? Is that even possible?

Sometimes my bitchy girl behavior is a little easier to analyze:

1) My friend Rebecca started dating a guy recently. I am big enough to admit that I was a little jealous - not of her, for having a boyfriend... but of HIM, for getting to spend so much time with her when I was new in town and hoping to spend a lot of time with her, being integrated into her group of friends. So my reaction was to ignore him a little bit. I wasn't snarky or rude to him, but for the first few weeks that they were together, I didn't make much of an effort to get to know him. I can blame my behavior on being envious of the time that he got to spend with my friend, time that I would have gotten to spend with her had he not been in the picture. I can also blame it on not thinking that he's good enough for her, or thinking that because he's not good enough, she couldn't possibly keep him around for very long.

And when I realized (much to my dismay and horror) that I was acting just like Heather might, I immediately started to make more of an effort. I still don't think he's good enough for her... but I rarely think any boy is good enough for my dearest friends. But I also recognized that despite what I might think of him, he makes her happy - and THAT is what is most important to me.

2) When I get tired and stressed out, or have a bad day, I take it out on those closest to me. Now that I'm living by myself, it is a little harder to do. But when I was living at home, I could be a bit snarky with my family. I purposefully pushed them into fights with me. Hard as it is to admit, I started to feel a little better when I made someone else mad at me.

I can boil that down to the simple phrase, "Misery loves company." But I can also attribute my behavior there to feeling like my misery was justified. I wasn't just feeling crummy because something crummy happened, but also because I'd made someone else feel crummy. Like now I had a reason for feeling crummy, get it?

So there are some additional reasons for bitchy girl behavior. If you're keeping score, we're now at jealousy, insecurity, stress, spite, warped justifications... and the list goes on.

So how do we fix this problem? What can we women do - realistically, because we're unlikely to break bread with the enemy or get drunk watching soccer/football, as some men have suggested - to deal with the mean girls in our own lives?

Anatomy of a Mean Girl

2006-06-07T20:37:00.000-04:00

(Decoding Bitchy Girl Behavior, Part II)

Read the post below if you need to get caught up...

The situation thus far: An example of abhorrent behavior in Hollywood raises the question, "Why can't women support one another, instead of tearing each other down?"

Why do women act out against one another? I believe it ultimately comes down to insecurity. Women get defensive when they feel threatened by another woman. Whether that threat is real or perceived, it doesn't reall matter; it is all about the defense mechanism.

To highlight this theory, I shall draw from a real-life situation - one where celebrity and paparazzi don't factor into behavioral patterns: My best friend Julia is dating Rob (yes, they've been mentioned here before...) whose circle of friends - including several women - are extremely, if not uncommonly, close. Though at least one girl has accepted Julia into the group, the other girls have not. When they all go out together, Julia remains the "odd one out." The other girls ignore her, or monopolize Rob's attention.

I have seen and experienced this phenomenon myself, having been a "part" of this group while I was dating Andy. And even now that Andy and I have broken up, when I too join this group for an evening out, I'm treated the same way by these girls. Or rather, one girl in particular.

Now I get it that an individual's core group of friends are very important. My group of friends is similarly close knit. It can be difficult to break into an established set of friends - the inside jokes, the group mannerisms and the shared memories are built over time and are intrinsically and firmly rooted in that social network's make up.

But Julia and Rob have been together for two years. They plan to one day get married. Unlike me, Julia is not a flash-in-the-pan girlfriend. Yet this one girl in particular, Heather, continues to exclude her.

I think it comes down to a couple of different factors, not the least of which is my assumption that Heather perceives Julia as a threat to her friendship with Rob. The two of them have a very unique friendship, and I believe that Heather is afraid Julia will disrupt the balance of that relationship. She quite simply is afraid of being replaced, of no longer being the most important girl in Rob's life, a position which she has enjoyed with regularity for quite some time. Or perhaps she realized that by being his girlfriend, Julia has unintentionally already replaced Heather as the important girl in Rob's life.

So, in essence, Heather's freeze out method is a fight for position. Heather is employing a particular defense mechanism to jockey for her position. Regardless of whether she is fighting to protect or fighting to keep her position, she is afraid of being left behind and left alone.

When I boil her behavior down to her feelings of insecurity, I find myself feeling sorry for her. I pity the fact that she must feel her life is empty when Rob plays a smaller role in it. I pity the fact that she can't see that a true friendship, such as the one she and Rob have, won't die because someone gets a significant other. Yes, that friendship may morph and shift as certain aspects of your life change, but strong and true friendships last regardless of what else is going on. And it is much easier to maintain those friendships when you are open and accepting of your friend's choice of partners.

The next installment of this discussion will review my own bitchy girl behavior, and my own motivations behind it... As always, I welcome your thoughts, comments and debate.

Cleaning house, then a real post

2006-06-04T15:35:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! Thanks for your patience and continued visits to my blog as I've been a little behind on posting recently. Between the move, getting increasingly busy at work, and my youngest brother's graduation from high school (and related family commitments) things have been INSANE for me. But I'm officially back with the promise to do a better job moving forward!

Here are some general notes:

1) For those reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven as part of the virtual book club, I've posted a brief synopsis and some starter discussion questions on the site and will update it a couple of times throughout the coming week. I hope you all enjoyed the book (which wasn't so much about religion or heaven as it was about learning and recognizing the importance of the lessons your life can teach you).

2) Following is a post that I've been working on for a while. I'm excited to get your feedback.

So without further ado, I bring to you:

The Anatomy Of A Mean Girl
(Parenthetical subtitle: Decoding Bitchy Girl Behavior, Part I)

Lindsay Lohan is living every high school girl's worst nightmare right now. Taking a page from LiLo's own "Mean Girls" movie, Paris and Brandon proved that, even in adulthood, the "cool" kids are still catty.

I'm not sure if you saw this story a few weeks ago or not. While out on the Tinseltown, Brandon - backed by BFF Paris - berated Lindsay in front of the assembled paparazzi. He disdainfully referred to Lindsay's genitalia ("fire crotch" is one of the more PG-13 terms he used); her "bomb" of a movie "Just My Luck" and her "pathetic" $7 mil-per-picture salary. Paris giggled and whispered in Brandon's ear during his tirade, seemingly egging him on.

This is interesting on a few notes, not the least of which are the facts that:
a) Brandon Davis (yes, I know, who?!) and Paris Hilton are only famous because of who their fathers are and the fact that they party 7 days a week. They aren't famous because of their contributions to society, their accomplishments or by virtue of their own merits.
b) I'm not sure if Brandon Davis has ever been in a film, but I'm pretty sure Paris' own "House of Wax" wasn't exactly a box office smash hit. Oh wait, she did have the straight-to-video "One Night In Paris" courtesy of her exboyfriend. I heard that did pretty well at the video story. Kudos, Ms. Hilton.
c) Bradon's assertion that Lindsay's salary per movie basically makes her poor is living off his oil tycoon father's dime. If Daddy were to cut him off, I wonder what his net worth would tally in at, given that his personal source of income seems to be limited to appearances at parties. As for Paris, she at least has a perfume and line of dog accessories.

Regardless of a lack of reason (other than stunted maturity and poor, spoiled upbringing), these two mean girls fulfill for Lindsay Lohan what every teenage girl dreads: Picked on, cast out from the clique, talked about in the bathroom and snickered at in the lunch line. As Paris and Brandon proved, the insecurities that teenage girls feel can often follow you into adulthood as well.

But why?

I have been thinking about this phenomenon a lot lately... why some women need to attack other women in order to assert their own authority. Is this because they truly are "better" than the other girl (and if so, who or what makes that distinction)? Or is it something else? My guy friends have often asked why we, as women, behave the way we do. Most of the time, we girls are just as confused as you men are.

So over the next few days, I will post my various theories on this behavior, with the disclaimer that I'm not a professional and have no evidence to support my claims other than what I've experienced in my own life. Feel free to weigh in with your own theories or call me out on mine as needed.

Yes, I'm alive!

2006-05-23T16:36:00.000-04:00

Another post to follow in a couple of days. Things have been busy, but I've been thinking of all of you!!!

This is why I started this blog

2006-05-12T21:44:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all of you who expressed concern for my near-death experience. It's so nice to know that all of you out there that I've never met care what happen to me! :)

Anyway, I thought I'd recount a happier experience that defines why I started this blog. In other words, "Things that only happen to me."

I went to a bar last weekend, Lebo's... a not-so-hole-in-the-wall bar that's either in Ohio or Kentucky. I actually don't know, because going there you cross over the OHKY border about five times.

Anyway, I'm watching all the karaoke madness when Slash from Guns-N-Roses gets up and does a song. A Guns-N-Roses song, natch. Only in Kentucky. Hello, who else does that happen to?

While checking out the assorted crazies in the bar, I notice a man that is particularly attractive, except for the giant nipples protruding from his overly tight t-shirt. Regardless of his freakishly large nipples, he's still a good looking fellow, in that dorky way that I'm a fan of.

He ends up sitting at the table next to Rebecca and I and starts talking to us. When he asks if we're singing, Rebecca informs him that I, in fact, am up in a few minutes. He asks what I'm singing. I tell him "Son of a Preacher Man" by Dusty Springfield.

"You can sing that song?" he asks?

"I can sing the shit out of that song," I reply. Partially because it's true. And partially because I'm pissed off that he would question it. I mean, it's karaoke for God's sake, not American Idol (which, okay, is a glorified karaoke competition, but gimme a break, I'm trying to tell a story here!)

So I get up and sing. I sang the shit out of that song.

When I get back to my spot, the guy compliments my singing. Then he starts asking what I do, do I ever write songs, what kind of music am I into... assorted questions that don't have much to do with karaoke.

Then he offers me a spot in a band that he is putting together. Apparently, he is a local producer and is looking for a girl vocalist to join this group he's producing for. Swear to God, I'm thinking I just got discovered. He gives me his information and suggests I try out for the rest of the band.

Turns out, this band is a hard-rock, alterna, angry punk rock country band. In other words, they have no actual musical style to speak of.

I didn't call him.