V-Day is coming.... but I'm not surrendering.

That's right, folks, it's that time of year again. The day to show that "someone special" just how much you care. Valentine's Day. Otherwise known as: The day that single people everywhere surrender to being Alone.

Ah yes, the most loving of holidays. The proliferation of hearts, flowers, candlelight, jewelry, chocolate and sappy Hallmark cards. Innocent symbols of love? Or weapons of the Apocolypse? Either way, on Valentine's Day, couples exchange these love symbols with fervor of epic proportions...thus reminding single people that they aren't just single anymore. They are Alone.

The historical roots of Valentine's Day and its patron Saint Valentine are wide and varied. Though its hard to say how accurate many of these tales are (I found at least three, just on the History Channel website), it is safe to say that Saint Valentine was a martyr. Like as in, murdered for whatever Christian cause he was supporting. Dead guy as the patron saint of the lover's holiday? Not very romantic.

Remember back in Kindergarten, when the valentine's exchanged were of the cherry lollipop and Care Bear variety? Ah, the innocence of childhood, so quickly forgotten. By the time I'd reached highschool, I'd succumbed to the over-commercialization of a holiday dedicated to showing the ones you love that you care.

But shouldn't the people we love already know we love them? Do we really need a holiday to remind them?

Hallmark, Russell Stover and the Sierra Lione diamond society would have you believe differently. They push cards, candy and jewelry on us at overwhelming speed (and prices). The effect of all this "love" making? Single people who feel Alone.

Sure, I get an envious pinch around my heart when I see a couple so obviously in love. But I'm content with being single. I like where I'm at with myself. Being single isn't so bad. Being Alone, on the other hand, is. Having been single - and at times, Alone - for the majority Valentine's Days celebrated in my lifetime, I've devised lots of ways to get through V-Day unscathed. So I present for your reading enjoyment: The single person's guide to surviving Valentine's Day Alone.

1) Buy yourself flowers. Shamelessly. March right into that store, hold your head high and pick out a nice mixed bouquet. Or go to that guy on the end of the exit ramp to Main Street in North Dayton (you know, by the BP station?). $7 will get you half a dozen roses - a steal! No, really, a steal - I'm pretty sure he gets them off the back of someone else's delivery truck, if you know what I mean. But you don't care! You're confident enough to buy yourself flowers and find joy in your fabulous single self.

2) Buy a big box of chocolates. To share. Yes, with others! Resist the temptation to eat the whole box yourself - if you do, you'll just feel fat afterwards. Fat and Alone on Valentine's Day? Not a good combination. If you share like your mother taught you, people will be stopping by your desk/cube/office/counter all day to praise your thoughtfulness (and good taste).

3) Call in sick. Claim a 24-hour virus, or something gross and obscure like scarlet fever. Call early in the morning, because that just-got-out-of-bed, haven't-spoken-to-another-soul-or-had-coffee-yet husky voice is convincing. Then go back to sleep. Stay in your pjs all day. Okay, yes, TECHNICALLY this one could be called "Wallowing in Self Pity". You could also refer to it as "Treating Yourself Well." Going to the spa helps, too.

4) Call up your single friends and have a party. Have dinner. Exchange cherry lollipops and Care Bear valentines and share your war...er...past Valentine's Day stories. Get rip-roaring drunk. Call in to work sick the next day and pretend it is because you had too much sex with your significant other to disguise the hangover that you'll be nursing all day. The garish red, pink and silver decorations will make your head hurt anyway.

5) Have life altering surgery. Sedation, heavy drugs, new body. Flowers and candy to toast a "speedy recovery". Well, this my plan, anyway. Whoopee!

Be well, my fellow singletons, and Happy Valentine's Day. Here's to being single...but not Alone.