Ta ta to the ta-ta's...

It has been 13 days since my breast reduction surgery and all is well. It took about 3 and a half hours. The doc removed 3 pounds of breast tissue (yes, 3 pounds), making me a nice, healty C cup when it is all said and done. Considering that losing 10 pounds was on my rotating list of New Year's Resolutions, I'm almost half way to my goal!

As it turns out, I'm allergic to morphine. And to one of the antibiotics I was on. The day after being released from the hospital, I had to go back to the Emergency Room because my body wasn't keeping anything down and was in severe distress due the antibiotic. So that was a major setback in terms of getting better.

Each day gets better though. I'm getting stronger - today I was able to go to Target with my mom and walk through some of the aisles, a major step! - and I'm able to do more things. For the first week, I pretty much was just laying on the couch and sleeping all the time. The pain medication made it hard for me to do anything else because I would get really dizzy and nauseous and sleepy.

I'm still very bruised, in fact, my whole chest and down into my ribs is covered in huge yellow and purple bruises. And I'm still quite swollen. The doc said the swelling will last between 6 weeks and 3 months. During that time, I'm confined to sports bras. I want my Victoria's Secret, now that I'm finally able to wear it!

The biggest and hardest lesson for me to learn is to be patient with my body. The body's ability to heal is amazing, but I keep feeling like it should be going faster. I want to be up and moving around, and it is discouraging and frustrating that I'm not able to be as active as I would have liked. I thought I'd be walking through my neighborhood every day by now.... unfortunately, I can barely make it to the end of the block without my legs turning to jelly. The toll that surgery took on my body surprised me, and the way that I'm affected in everything that I do. I have made the mistake of pushing myself too hard a few times, so I'm trying to learn how to take it slow.

The other huge lesson I've learned is that it is okay to depend on other people. I'm a very do-it-myself kind of girl. I like to think that I'm pretty tough. I've had to depend on others for everything, and it has been a humbling experience. I mean, for the first week after surgery, I couldn't even pour my own cereal, or get myself a glass of water, or open my shampoo bottle. I literally needed someone to help me with everything! For a "do-er" to have to sit back and let others take care of me has been difficult, but like I said, humbling. My mom has been amazing, no big surprise there. She is a hell of a lady.

Finally, I really do have the most amazing and wonderful friends and family. My house looks like a florist, I've received so many flowers!!! I've gotten tons of emails, calls and cards. My support network is awesome. They've reminded me how well-loved I am. That is the best lesson of all.

So posting will be sporadic and I'll try to see everyone while I'm online, but I'm focusing on healing and resting and taking care of myself. Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts and well wishes!

I am humbled by my friends

I am humbled by my friends. I am humbled by the caliber of people around me. I am humbled by the thought that they've chosen me to be in their elite circles. They are simply the greatest people in the world.

I love you guys.... See you again soon....

V-Day is coming.... but I'm not surrendering.

That's right, folks, it's that time of year again. The day to show that "someone special" just how much you care. Valentine's Day. Otherwise known as: The day that single people everywhere surrender to being Alone.

Ah yes, the most loving of holidays. The proliferation of hearts, flowers, candlelight, jewelry, chocolate and sappy Hallmark cards. Innocent symbols of love? Or weapons of the Apocolypse? Either way, on Valentine's Day, couples exchange these love symbols with fervor of epic proportions...thus reminding single people that they aren't just single anymore. They are Alone.

The historical roots of Valentine's Day and its patron Saint Valentine are wide and varied. Though its hard to say how accurate many of these tales are (I found at least three, just on the History Channel website), it is safe to say that Saint Valentine was a martyr. Like as in, murdered for whatever Christian cause he was supporting. Dead guy as the patron saint of the lover's holiday? Not very romantic.

Remember back in Kindergarten, when the valentine's exchanged were of the cherry lollipop and Care Bear variety? Ah, the innocence of childhood, so quickly forgotten. By the time I'd reached highschool, I'd succumbed to the over-commercialization of a holiday dedicated to showing the ones you love that you care.

But shouldn't the people we love already know we love them? Do we really need a holiday to remind them?

Hallmark, Russell Stover and the Sierra Lione diamond society would have you believe differently. They push cards, candy and jewelry on us at overwhelming speed (and prices). The effect of all this "love" making? Single people who feel Alone.

Sure, I get an envious pinch around my heart when I see a couple so obviously in love. But I'm content with being single. I like where I'm at with myself. Being single isn't so bad. Being Alone, on the other hand, is. Having been single - and at times, Alone - for the majority Valentine's Days celebrated in my lifetime, I've devised lots of ways to get through V-Day unscathed. So I present for your reading enjoyment: The single person's guide to surviving Valentine's Day Alone.

1) Buy yourself flowers. Shamelessly. March right into that store, hold your head high and pick out a nice mixed bouquet. Or go to that guy on the end of the exit ramp to Main Street in North Dayton (you know, by the BP station?). $7 will get you half a dozen roses - a steal! No, really, a steal - I'm pretty sure he gets them off the back of someone else's delivery truck, if you know what I mean. But you don't care! You're confident enough to buy yourself flowers and find joy in your fabulous single self.

2) Buy a big box of chocolates. To share. Yes, with others! Resist the temptation to eat the whole box yourself - if you do, you'll just feel fat afterwards. Fat and Alone on Valentine's Day? Not a good combination. If you share like your mother taught you, people will be stopping by your desk/cube/office/counter all day to praise your thoughtfulness (and good taste).

3) Call in sick. Claim a 24-hour virus, or something gross and obscure like scarlet fever. Call early in the morning, because that just-got-out-of-bed, haven't-spoken-to-another-soul-or-had-coffee-yet husky voice is convincing. Then go back to sleep. Stay in your pjs all day. Okay, yes, TECHNICALLY this one could be called "Wallowing in Self Pity". You could also refer to it as "Treating Yourself Well." Going to the spa helps, too.

4) Call up your single friends and have a party. Have dinner. Exchange cherry lollipops and Care Bear valentines and share your war...er...past Valentine's Day stories. Get rip-roaring drunk. Call in to work sick the next day and pretend it is because you had too much sex with your significant other to disguise the hangover that you'll be nursing all day. The garish red, pink and silver decorations will make your head hurt anyway.

5) Have life altering surgery. Sedation, heavy drugs, new body. Flowers and candy to toast a "speedy recovery". Well, this my plan, anyway. Whoopee!

Be well, my fellow singletons, and Happy Valentine's Day. Here's to being single...but not Alone.

Crazy is in the eye of the beholder

My friend Corey has the following quote posted in her IM profile: Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. - Jack Kerouac, from his book: On The Road.

The way that Kerouac sees it, being a little crazy is a good thing. It inspires the reader to embrace their own craziness (which many of my friends know, I do wholeheartedly). In fact, the excerpt from Kerouac's book makes me want to be a little more crazy, a little more daring, break the rules a little more. I want to be crazy enough to think that I can change the world.

People are considered "crazy" if they don't fit a normative prescription of what is considered socially acceptable, right? A "misfit" is someone who is considered disturbingly different from others. Rebels, trouble-makers...and these are the people affecting change in our world today?! These are the people who are affecting change in our world tomorrow?!

It got me thinking: If a person is changing the world, must they be labeled crazy...misfit...rebel...trouble-maker to do it? Were the people who have changed the world, in good and bad ways, at some point labeled as crazy during their times, only to be looked at by future generations not as trouble-makers, but as life-changing mavericks? Is crazy in the eye of the beholder?

Look at Martin Luther King, Jr. During his life, he certainly was labeled a trouble-maker, someone who refused to follow the rules. But look at what a positive impact he had on this country. Look at what he was able to accomplish in the short time that he was on this earth, and the people that he inspired who then carried on his mission after he no longer could. Look how far this nation came in delivering equality to everyone because of his dream, his desire to affect change. Did it make him crazy?

Now look at Franklin Roosevelt, who effectively ended the worst economic depression ever experienced in this country when he instituted the New Deal. He was strongly opinioned, a dynamic force to be reckoned with. Was he considered crazy in his day, for attempting such a vast overhaul of social and economic policy in such a short amount of time (100 days, if you'll remember from your 7th grade Civics class...) Some did think that he was betraying his class, coming from old, old money and helping - God forbid - the poor and downtrodden. Did it make him crazy?

And then there are people like my mom. By all accounts, she could be considered fairly normal. But she has changed the world, or at least her small corner of it. She makes me see important issues in a different, life altering way. She brings joy and comfort to her friends and to her family. She is fiercely loyal and would cut off anyone at the knees if she felt they posed a threat to those she loves. And though she may not be out there on a daily basis fighting for racial equality or creating Social Security, she is affecting change. She makes me want to be a better person.

But she's not a trouble-maker! She's not a misfit! She might be a little nutty, but she's not crazy. And she certainly can't be ignored. She changes things, maybe not on a grand scale, but in her own way. Change doesn't have to occur on some big, world-changing level..it just has to be life-altering to one.

I'm not sure if you necessarily have to be crazy to change the world. You might have to be crazy to attempt it, though. I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Afterall...crazy is in the eye of the beholder.