The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I went back and read my last post, in which I waxed poetic about my relationship and expressed hope that things were finally turning around after a six-week separation. By that post, it seemed like everything was going great.
But things have turned south lately. We're not communicating with one another well. We're not talking as much. He had a party for the Fourth of July and didn't invite me.
Yeah, kind of a dick move if you ask me.
His general thoughtlessness and selfishness started to creep through. There were more mood swings. Fewer thoughtful gestures. Less sex. (Truly a measure of the health of a relationship, wouldn't you say?)
The more I started to see these things, the more denial I felt. I held on harder, tighter and tried to keep things from falling apart around me.
But the fact of the matter is, we're wrong for each other. My heart just needed time to catch up to that fact, a fact that I recognized a long time ago and rarely voiced aloud.
Today marked the end of the relationship. We were together a year. We did a good job. We had some laughs, some good times. But the relationship ran its course, and we both acknowledged that today. He isn't capable of giving me what I need, and even if he were, he wouldn't want to. That's not fair to me, so it was time for us to go our separate ways. If we're not moving forward, what are we doing?
I feel relieved.
It still hurts, of course. I'm sad, as I suppose I'll be for a long time. But this was good, it was right. I will be better and stronger for the relationship. I have learned a lot about who I am and the kind of man I want to be with.
It will take time to heal my broken heart, for as Pablo Neruda said, "Loving is so short, forgetting is so long." But in the end, I will be healed. I'll be revived. And I'll be ready for someone better.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hang in there, it sounds like it ran its course and now you canmove on.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't meant to be-but he won't be completely over you anytime soon. You make a big impression.
ReplyDeleteRocket - Yep, that's exactly how I would describe it, though it still sucks.
ReplyDeleteAnon - That's a wonderful thing to hear, thank you. It reminds me of this song by the Old 97's "You make a big impression for a girl of your size."
'Course, that in an of itself makes me think of Ex-Boyfriend, because he introduced me to the Old 97's. Waaah! :(
that sucks, miss lauren. :( i am very sorry to hear that. sometimes it feels like everyone else's love lives don't seem to be as half crappy as our own, doesn't it?
ReplyDeletelet me tell you a story. not to make it about me, of course, but to let you know it could be worse. and more importantly, that you're not alone.
i recently broke off a relationship that had grown very serious. we were in love, we were looking at homes together, planning to become engaged as soon as his sister's wedding was over - so as not to steal her thunder - and discussing marrying just after christmas. then one day, WHAM! i caught him in a lie that unraveled 1,700 other lies. basically, the guy was a complete fraud. i was so totally blindsided & that is not a good feeling. the life i thought i was building with someone was a total sham. so, while you are certainly entitled to mourn the loss of your relationship, take comfort in having had the good fortune to see it coming.
and, since i am older, i'm going to pretend that means i'm wiser and tell you that you're better off and you'll find the right guy when the time is right, blah, blah, blah and all the same shit that people say when they want to make you feel better and all it makes you do is want to punch them.
hopefully you can see the 'tongue-in-cheek'iness of everything i have said here. break-ups suck no matter how they happen or how long they have been in the works. you have my sympathies and i hope things look up soon.
Sarah, I think your response was exactly perfect. I'm sorry to hear I've been so lost in my own little world that I haven't paid enough attention to what is going on in yours. :(
ReplyDeleteIf you need anything (like slashed tires?) I'll happily provide. He don't know me! LOL!
And, as far as "you're better off and blah blah blah," you're right; that totally makes me want to punch people when they say that. I know I will be, but right now I'm trying to wallow. Sheesh! LOL!
Everything you said (wrote?) was exactly right, so thank you for your kindness. :)
Lauren ~ everyone's said it, but I feel your pain too. Breakups suck, but you are still fabulous!
ReplyDeleteOh damn was sad to read this last post. :( Oh well let your wound heal(easier said that done isn't it). I'm sure someone else will come along soon
ReplyDeleteit's been a while since we've heard from you... how are things going? better, i hope.
ReplyDelete