It wasn't perfect, but...

When Boyfriend came over to my house about a month ago, I figured we'd have dinner, talk for a little bit about the status of our relationship, and then break up. Even though it wasn't what I wanted, I figured that's what he would want to do. After all, we had been on a break for nearly 6 weeks at that point, and even though I knew he cared about me, I wasn't sure if it was enough.

The night went pretty much as I had expected. I had steeled myself for the worst, and it pretty much happened. I was proud of myself for not crying or making a scene, for stoically holding it all together until I locked the door behind him. (At which point, I broke into tears like you would not BELIEVE.)

And then, a funny thing happened. He called.

The gist of it went something like, "I don't want to do this. You're all I've been able to think about since I left. I want to try, I want things to work. I'm committed to this decision, but I want you to sleep on it and decide if it is really what you want. If you're committed to this too, then I'll be really thrilled, but if not, then I'll understand."

WHAT?!

So for the past month, we've been trying to mend our relationship. We've gone out to dinner. We went to a party. We spent an entire afternoon at the bar, watching a Reds game. We've talked about family, values, faith and politics. In other words, we've been trying to remember why we were together in the first place, while also determining if we want to be together in the future.

Oh yeah, and when we talked about the future, he said that I had so many of the qualities he'd always looked for that he's thought about making me his wife.

Yes, seriously.

I think much of this new lease on our relationship comes from the fact that he is working again. (He'd been laid off since October, until two weeks ago.) Going back to work has boosted his outlook on life, and even if he's not doing what he ultimately wants to do, life doesn't feel as tragic as it did when he wasn't working at all. He feels like he's contributing. He isn't as stressed about money, bills, the future or the mid-life crisis that was looming large on the horizon a few weeks ago. He can breathe again, and it has loosened him up a little bit.

He's also starting to open up a little more, which has helped me understand him tremendously. He's talked more about his feelings, thoughts and past in the last month than he has the majority of our relationship. It's comforting, endearing, reassuring and most of all, an amazing gift.

I'm taking it day by day, moment by moment, because anything can change at a moment's notice. But the photos of him have started to emerge from their hiding places, and his name is starting to pop up in stories, and the gorgeous necklace he gave me for Valentine's Day is accessorizing my outfits again.

He's a part of my life in all possible ways, and I feel like it is just the tip of the iceberg. Plus, I'm more in love than ever.